All of his clothes were gone.
She sat down hard on the bed, pulling the sheet around her, her gut gone cold with shock.
And then she saw, on the little table in the main room, a sheet of foolscap, folded and sealed with red wax.
She scrambled for it and, with shaking hands, broke the seal and read.
My dearest Alexandra,
I know a little about having no choice.
Because I fell in love with you twice.
My heart decided for me when it first saw you. It gave me no choice in the matter at all. I knew nothing about how to love or how to be loved. I only knew I loved you from the moment you crossed to me in that white marble foyer of your home. I had never seen anything so beautiful. My heart recognized its true home.
But here are the things that I did know: How to fight. How to win. I felt my very existence would be imperiled if somehow you were not mine. One of the many things I have learned the hard way is that love is deaf to reason. I did, as you realized, what I thought I had to do. I did not believe a woman like you would ever want or love me, but by God, Alexandra, I meant to make you happy. I meant to try.
So I fell in love with you twice. The very first time I saw you.
And these past few days, all over again.
With all that I knew from the first that you are: beautiful and brave, witty and kind, loyal and stubborn, and proud and passionate. For things I cannot ever hope to put into words. I am not a poet. And I’m not even a particularly brave man. For both you and I have discovered the limits of mybravery. Which is why I am not standing in front of you, speaking, and you are instead reading this letter.
But please never doubt that you are extraordinary.
These are the things important for you to know now:
By the time you read this, I will have departed to board a stage at Rossington Arms Coaching Inn. I am leaving for America, to live in the New York property.
Yes: I am going to America in your place. I made all the arrangements for this yesterday.
I do not know when or if I will return to England.
Mr. Lawler will remain at your service in all matters. He is in possession of legal documents which make possible the following:
All decisions about what to spend, where to go, who to see, where to live, and how to live belong to you utterly. To you and you alone.
The town house is yours, for as long as you live, or until you choose to sell it.
The carriage and horses are yours.
And of course, all decisions about who to love are yours. I truly wish you happiness.
My heart is also yours. I’m afraid there’s not much I can do about that. I hope you will not view it as a burden; I shall make no demands upon it. I have no need of it anymore, for I can’t imagine giving it toanyone else ever again. Perhaps you can view it instead as a souvenir of the time you conquered a conqueror.
I cannot quite ever forgive myself for my selfishness. For not giving you, or allowing you to have, the kind of life you’d likely dreamed of.
But you are a kinder person than I am, Alexandra. Perhaps one day you will find forgiveness in your heart for a man who knew everything about war but nothing about love.
I loved you then. I love you now.
I love you always.
Goodbye and be well,
Magnus Brightwall,
Earl of Montcroix