“Don’t worry, Mama,I’mbound to marry a duke.” Claire winked at her sister.
Lillias was not in a mood to reciprocate winks. She had a headache. She had not slept much, if atall, she’d been so rigid and numb with disbelief all night.
And the ball was... tomorrow. She was so tired she’d forgotten to calculate the minutes. Shock was a lovely, lovely invention. It kept one from feeling all manner of unpleasant and nuanced things. She couldn’t imagine alcohol doing a better job.
And yet. And yet. Her traitorous body could not but continue to relive what she had become very close to discovering in Hugh’s arms behind the curtain. She’d beenso closeto something extraordinary.
“And isn’t Gilly getting married soon, too?” Claire continued. “All the gossip in the newspapers seems to be hinting at it. And you’ll see—”
“CLAIRE.”
She wished everyone would stop talking, because all the words about her engagement were like threads thrown over a loom, and the more people talked about it the more tangible it seemed. The more it began to resemble a noose.
Claire was made of sturdy stuff. She never took offense.
“I didn’t know you were in love with Mr. Cassidy,” Claire said shyly, after a long silence.
“I’m not,” she said reflexively. Her throat knotted.
Her mother’s eyes hurled daggers’ worth of warning at Lillias.
“But you were kissing him.” Her sister was puzzled.
“Howon earth did you...” Her mother was aghast.
“You learn absolutely nothing if you don’t have wonderful hearing. And I have,” Claire said. “I heard all of you talking about it.”
“Well, that is certainly useful to know,” their mother said acidly.
“I kissed him... because he is a very fine man,” Lillias said carefully. “And in the moment it seemed like the thing to do.”
Claire looked up at her, a little puzzled, as anyone would be.
And maybe it was because she was tired, and still rather underfed, but tears welled, filled her eyes, and spilled.
Because it was true. All of it. He was handsome (dear God, and how), she had kissed him, she did not love him, he was a fine man. And all of his dreams had come crashing down because they could not keep from kissing each other, and when she stood with her mother and her sister in a dress shop, not kissing him seemed like the easiest thing in the world to do. She had shocked and upset her family, confused Claire. And she would need to face thetontomorrow with him by her side and see all manner of uncomfortable reactions reflected in the faces of people she had known her entire life, and her pride felt as though a whole layer had been scraped away. Everything hurt.
She stood in the rubble of shattered dreams while dressmakers spoke in hushed tones and tweaked and pinned the gossamer fabric of the little puffed net sleeves.
“Lillias, sweetheart.” Her mother fumbled for a handkerchief. “She’s to be married,” she whispered to the dressmaker.
“Mon dieu, of course. So beautiful. The new brides, they are so emotional. If you could refrainfrom weeping on your dress, mademoiselle. The velvet about the bodice will stain.”
Somewhat portentously, Mrs. Hardy and Mrs. Durand were waiting for them in the now empty reception room when they returned with Lillias’s ball gown. “I wondered if Lady Lillias would join us here for a moment? We won’t be more than a minute or two,” Mrs. Durand said.
“A gift for you,” Mrs. Hardy hastily added, correctly intuiting from Lillias’s expression that she anticipated some of the same iron-fist-in-velvet-glove censure they’d administered to her father (which she admittedly deserved, but didn’t think she could bear).
Her mother and sister slipped discreetly away and left Lillias alone with the proprietresses, who invited her to sit down opposite them on the settee that had once supported, briefly, the bum of King George IV.
“We wanted to give this to you... by way of an engagement present.”
Mrs. Durand held out to her a tiny package wrapped in tissue and tied with a blue ribbon.
Lillias hesitated. Then she took it into her hands and gave the little ribbon a tug, and parted the tissue. To discover a lovely little pair of satin garters, trimmed in lace.
She lifted her head. Her throat felt thick. “You are too kind to me after all I’ve... after what I’ve...”
Angelique was ready with a handkerchief and Lillias accepted it.