Never mind that all around them people were competing for stuffed animals and candy at various booths like it was the Hunger Games. There wasplentyto do in Hellcat Canyon. There was bingo at St. Ann’s, and the annual landscaping contest between Heavenly Acres and Elysian Shores mobile home communities, and then there was always softball and open mic night at the Misty Cat. Hellcat Canyon washopping.
“And there’s just... finding the time... with Annelise... my work... it’s just... it’ll be hard on you, and I don’t want you to resent me for dashing out at odd hours, or abandoning you thanks to work or Annelise’s needs. Gabe... I don’t think I can give you what you deserve.”
He drew in a breath. He was tense with frustration.
He knew what he wanted to giveher.
The moon. His name. Everything he owned or ever would.
He was pretty sure those were the perfect things to say out loud if he wanted to hear an actual vrooming sound and see her disappear in a cloud of dust.
He could say:Anything precious to you, Eden, is precious to me, and that means Annelise, too.Who, frankly, he liked for her own goofy, lovely, unique self.
And Eden stood there, on the precipice of ending all of this between them. Her mouth was saying one thing but everything else—the slight cant of her body toward him, the pulse in her throat, the soft, unguardedwantin her eyes—said something else altogether.
Underlying her words was a sort of coded desperation:save me from myself.
And then he got it: she was scared.
She wanted him, all right. But panic was a perfectly viable response when facing a gigantic unknown, even a sexy one. Ten years was a long time to be single. And in that time she’d become more accustomed to giving than taking. To living for her daughter and assuming that was what it meant to live for herself.
But she wasn’t going to admit that to herself or to him, because, like Annelise, she was proud, and she claimed to not be afraid of a damn thing.
He just didn’t know what the hell to say that wouldn’t make him feel like a creep trying to talk her into the sack.
He could have said,What about that roller coaster you rode thirteen times? Where’s that girl who isn’t afraid of a damn thing?But that wouldn’t have been fair. He could have said,Where there’s a will, there’salwaysa way.But she also knew that.
“I understand,” he said finally. And he did. He didn’t like it at all, but he understood. His heart was sinking through his body like an anchor flung from a ship, but he understood.
“Maybe when Annelise can drive.”
“Ha.” He managed a smile, for the benefit of the people strolling by, many of whom were women, many of whom whipped their heads around to get a better look at him, as if he was a magnificent tree planted there for tourists to admire.
“I’m sorry, Gabe. I’mreallysorry. Please don’t hate me.”
“Eden,” he said this weakly, almost impatiently, “for fuck’s sake... that’s... an impossibility. You know that, right?”
That might be the first time he’d said the “F” word out loud on school grounds.
She didn’t say anything. It seemed ridiculous that the two people who were looking at each other right now could even be contemplating walking away from each other.
Thundering little feet came at them, and Annelise and Emily were pogoing with excitement.
“Mom, Principal Caldera, I won a whole elephant!” Annelise hoisted it aloft.
“A wholeelephant! Not just the trunk where he keeps his stuff?”
“Ha ha ha ha! Mr. Caldera! You’re so funny! We’re going to go get our faces painted now, okay?”
“Sure! And if you lay off the popcorn and candy, I’ll take you for sundaes after.”
“Thanks! Love you!”
They ran off again, tagging Eden like little pinballs, and left him alone with her.
Gabe rifled through his years of experience for something useful here. Like he’d once said, everyone’s strengths could be weaponized and used against them... and like the broccoli, everyone would be a winner.
Or he’d just really piss her off.