“Nice... um, pancreas?” he hazarded finally.
He cautiously lifted his eyes.
Eden’s mouth was trembling like a dam about to burst. Her eyes were turning pink. Could someone expire from holding in a laugh?
“Obviously, it’s not thepancreasI’m concerned about!” Jan hissed.
Annelise skipped over. “Mama, what’s wrong? Am I in trouble? I was changing Ken into his shorts!”
“You’re not in trouble, sweetie. It seems Mrs. Pennington is a little startled by the illustrations on your Ken doll here.” Eden sounded a trifle strangled.
“But it’s only a penis, Mom, right? Nothing to get worked up about? Isn’t that what you said?” Annelise’s hands clasped worriedly.
Gabe slowly levered his head to stare at Eden.
The laugh he couldn’t release filled him like helium. It was almost an out-of-body experience. He could practically feel himself hovering somewhere around the cafeteria ceiling.
But Eden was looking at Annelise, who was looking up at Eden with innocence and trust and absolute conviction in her mother’s sovereign knowledge and judgment.
“Yes, sweetheart, you’re exactly right. All boys have them, and private parts are private,” she said calmly.
Eden turned to Jan and said, “There’s an anatomically correct heart on there, too, Jan. And about three-quarters of a pancreas. And part of the circulatory system. Did you bother looking under his shirt, too, or were you just determined to see what he had in his pants?”
Damn. High-fiving her was probably inadvisable, though it was all he could do to keep his hand at his side. For some reason, he was still clutching the half-dressed Ken.
Jan’s cheeks flashed red, then white, then red again.
Gabe was a little worried that if Eden and Jan were about to throw down, he wouldn’t stop them.
At least immediately.
“Some would argue that a man’s heart is just as important as his penis,” Eden added. With a certain quiet, grave reproach. “Maybe Caitlynn would benefit from learning that.”
Gabe wasn’t fooled. Eden wasfurious.
But she’d skillfully rendered Jan absolutely speechless, and surely this ought to rank among superpowers.
And just when he thought she couldn’t get any sexier.
“Mama?” Annelise was still uncertain.
“Annelise, honey, everything’s okay. Mrs. Pennington was just surprised, that’s all, because he doesn’t look like the other Kens. Why don’t you go finish your homework? I’ll bring Ken back to you.”
“Okay,” she said trustingly. Rightness restored to her world by a word from an adult.
She skipped off.
“Jan,” Gabe said patiently, instantly, “the kids have had sex ed classes this quarter. Surely Caitlynn knows boys have different private parts? She has a brother. She’s such a smart, intuitive kid. I know you’re startled, and I sympathize, but maybe you can use it as a teaching moment. About the circulatory system, if nothing else.”
“It’s just that it’s a little wearing to be so consistently startled by Ms. Harwood and her offspring,” Jan said icily.
“Jan, I’m going to confide something to you,” Eden said, all low-voiced, apologetic confidence. That soothing, talking-someone-from-a-ledge voice again. “This Ken is a hand-me-down. He’s a couple of decades old. I couldn’t afford to get new Barbies for Annelise at that time, so she played with the ones we had as a kid. And my brother, Jude? He’s a cardiac surgeon now.” Eden paused to let Jan absorb this, and watched, predictably, as her face transformed. Jan wasallabout rank and perceived status. “Even back then, Jude was a stickler for accuracy. I screamed bloody murder when my brother did this to my Ken, but I wasn’t really in a position to buy new dolls. And Isowanted her to have some to play with. And you know what that’s like, right? How hard it is to deny your kids anything?”
It was positivelymasterful.
There was really almost nothing Jan could say that wouldn’t make her sound like a heartless bitch.
“I understand,” Jan said finally, her voice a little creaky. “I was just, um, surprised, as you said.”