“Britt... what did you mean when you wrote, ‘I need you’?”
“What I meant was...” She drew in a breath. “I lied when I said I didn’t need you.” And then the words came in a rush. “I’m so sorry. I know it was a horrible thing to say and I was lashing out because I was hurt and my pride was hurt and...everythinghurt. And I lied when I said I’d be just fine without you. I have never felt so happy, or safe, or cared for, than I have with you. And I have...” she swallowed. “Oh God, I have felt half dead without you. And not just because of the hangover.”
Light surged into his face, brilliant and joyous.
But then he went still again. Cautious.
“Britt, I’m going to talk for a while now. Do you want to sit down?”
She welcomed that suggestion. Her knees were weak anyway.
She sank onto her patio lounge chair.
He came up the steps slowly, as if he was afraid she might dart off, and he leaned against the now sturdily repaired railing.
She could hear him breathing in the still of the morning.
He seemed to be rallying his thoughts.
“When I was a kid back in Tennessee...” He cleared his throat. “When I was a kid back in Tennessee, I got through tough days because I could dream of better things. And Igotthose better things. And I learned I didn’t want everything that came my way. It took being really unhappy to learn what happiness is.”
He stopped to check the impact of this on Brit.
“Okay,” she said softly, encouragingly.
“I’m going to fly to L.A. tomorrow and read for that part unless my agent tells me that’s out of the question. It’s Hollywood. Anything can happen. If and when it finally shows up in the theaters, it could be a musical starring Neil Patrick Harris and the Muppets, for all we know. And even though I’ll be filmingThe Rushfor a while come fall, and I don’t know whether I’ll getthispart, there might very well be other movies. And I will go away for a few months and maybe kiss other women as part of what I do for a paycheck and people may say or print untrue things about me. I might even kiss another guy if the part is good enough. That’s my life. It’s a crazy life. But dreams are like that, surreal and fragmented and unpredictable. And being a part of that life... that might not be something you want. I wouldn’t blame you. But before you say anything...”
He paused a moment here.
He was a little blurry, and she swiped at her eyes. And she couldn’t speak if she tried.
“...I guess what I’m saying is that because of all of this I consider myself some authority on dreams. You’re smart, Britt, but you were wrong about one thing. The part with us? That’s not the dream. We’re therealpart.We’rethe only thing that matters. The other stuff is the hurricane. You and me, we’re theeyeof the hurricane. And you know... you know how your lungs just know to breathe in and breathe out? It’s like that with us. I breathe in, you breathe out. I don’t know how else to say it. I need you, Britt. When we don’t fight it... you and I... we justknow. We just work.”
He dropped his forehead into his hands briefly and then pushed his hair back, and sighed, and it tapered into a short, wondering laugh. “I am so in love with you.”
His voice broke ever so slightly.
She could hear him breathing.
Or maybe it was her breathing.
All she knew for certain was that she had to get to him. She stood very, very slowly.
She crossed the porch to him, and looped her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek against his cool, stubbly morning cheek and pressed her body against his, and his arms wrapped around her slowly, and then tightened.
“Iloveyou,” he repeated fiercely. Claiming his right to that word for the first time. “And I will always doeverythingin my power to make sure you feel safe.”
“I love you, too, J. T. So much,” she whispered in his ear. “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to come with you. I can do crazy, I can do quiet. Knowing us, it’ll be both. But Hellcat Canyon isourhome.”
His shoulders moved in a huge, satisfied sigh. He held on to her tight, and she held on to him.
And she breathed in and he breathed out.
They had been kissing passionately for five or ten minutes whenTaking Care of Businesserupted from J.T.’s phone.
“Gotta take this,” he told her apologetically. He kept one arm looped around her as he answered the call. “Hey Al.”
“Rebecca’s dropped out of the running. So that’s the end of that,” Al said briskly.