He sighs. “Fine. It is what it seems, but not the way you think.”
“Roman, I swear to god, I am at my wits’ end with everything male right now.” My hands go to the top of my head. I’m broken and dejected. I can hardly stand to be in my own skin. I hold my breath so I don’t sob and break down completely as I utter, “Why didn’t you tell me you were moving?”
“I was going to tell you after the wedding.”
I shake my head, nothing making sense. “After the wedding? When are you supposed to move?”
“In a couple of months.”
That rips me apart, and I spin around, unable to look at him.
“Roman, I called off my wedding three weeks ago. And you said nothing in all that time.”
“You got engaged to Adam, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sit around and watch you as the happy new bride with him. I made plans to open three restaurants, one in Frankfurt, one in Paris, and one in London. I was going to leave for about a year and a half to work the miracle of falling out of love with you.”
My eyes close and I collapse to the bed, my elbows meeting my thighs and my face planting into my hands.
“When you ended things with Adam, it felt like it was finally my shot with you,” he continues. I hear him moving closer to me, but I can’t look at him. “I knew if I told you about Europe, you’d use that as an excuse for why we couldn’t betogether, so I didn’t say anything as I worked through options on how to make everything work.”
“You should have told me. You hid it from me. Do you have any idea how that feels?”
He moves in front of me and crouches until he’s at my feet. “What would you have done if I’d told you? What would you have said?”
“If you told me you were moving to Europe for a year and a half? I don’t know.”
He pries my hands from my face and I jerk them free of his grip. He looks as broken as I feel, but I’ve seen that face on another man who was hiding things from me recently, so it’s not doing much to thaw me.
“Yes, you do. If I had told you before we got together, you would have told me that you were happy for me and that you’d come visit me, and that would have been that.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. He’s right. I likely would have said that.
“I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t have you brush me off. Not before I made you mine. Not before I figured out how to fix this.”
“There is no fixing this. You hid this from me. You’re moving away for a year and a half.”
“I’m sorry I hid it from you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was going to tell you. I was. I know you don’t believe that, and you have no reason to, but I swear, I was going to talk to you about it today or tomorrow. Because I’m not moving away. I can’t.”
I search his face. “What about your restaurants?”
“I’ve already signed contracts at the locations. They’re going to happen. I think what I’ll do is I’ll go for the first few weeks at each location and after go back and forth as needed. It will mean a lot of travel and some time when we’re not together. I was hoping we could work it out so that maybe you come withme sometimes, and when you can’t, I’ll try to make it so that I’m not gone very long.”
“Roman, I don’t know what to do with this.”
“I know.” He blows out a breath and inches in on me until he’s up against my knees. “I know you’re mad, and you have every right to be. I know you feel like I betrayed you after you’ve already been betrayed by someone you loved. I know all of this, and I’m so, so sorry for causing you more hurt and stress. You’re entitled to all of it, and if you want to throw more shoes or whatever you need to do to let me feel your anger and frustration, that’s fine. Be as mad as you want. Just please don’t walk away.”
“You keeping that from me is not a small thing. You did it with intent. How do I know you won’t do something like this again or keep other things from me?”
He takes my pinkies with his and squeezes them tight, his eyes locked on mine and nowhere else. “I’ll never do anything like this again. I swear. I’ll talk to you. I’ll plan everything with you. No more hiding or withholding. Not ever. I only did it this way so I could keep you. So I wouldn’t lose you.”
I bite my lip and shake my head when he forces his forehead to mine.
“I’m not gonna tell you I love you or that I’m sorry. I did that and you know I meant it and I won’t be him. I won’t fucking be him, Brae. I’m going to be me. The guy you know. Your ride or die. The one who will never stop fighting for you or for us. I fucked up. I was scared. I was scared and so I didn’t tell you what was happening because I was positive you’d bug out on me and I’d be left without you. I knew I’d figure it out and I think I have if you’re willing to bend a bit with me. If you know it won’t be perfect and we’ll have some weeks where we’re apart very long distances. But the way I love you won’t ever change. And how I’ll obsessively miss you will be the thing that givesyou peace because there won’t be a minute of any day that you doubt me or us.”
“I can’t do this again,” I tell him, my hand coming up to his cheek. “I can’t get a call like this and be blindsided. I can’t have another woman know more about you and your life than I do.”
“It’ll never happen again. And Katie doesn’t know more than you do. You know more than she does because I’m telling you the plan I have for the next eighteen months.”
“I’m still mad.”