He’d said it in the game with a knife at his throat. He’d said it in the white room. He’d had it in his mouth when he woke up and abandoned it because he thought Asher was gone for good. He’d been carrying it around for weeks like a coin in his pocket, polished smooth on one side because he couldn’t stop touching it and was too afraid to take it out.
The first time you said it…it was bad. Even if he can’t mean it or understand it like you, he deserves better out here.
“I love you.”
Asher went completely still, his mouth on Levi’s neck, not moving, and Levi could feel his heartbeat because everything else had stopped.
Then Asher pulled back and looked at him. His eyes were wide, his lips were parted, and his face had gone past delight into something with the delight’s brightness and none of itssafety. He looked at Levi the way he had looked at him in the sanitarium, except the looking hadI love youin it now, and theI love youmade the looking bigger.
“Say it again,” Asher urged.
“I love —”
Asher’s mouth hit his in a kiss that had teeth in it and the sound from Asher’s chest was closer to a growl than a groan. Asher kissed him like he was trying to get inside him through his mouth — deep, consuming, his hand yanking Levi’s head back by the hair to get a better angle, his tongue and his teeth and his breath and the weight of him pressing Levi into the mattress.
There,Levi thought, and the thought arrived already coming apart.That’s the real one. That’s what I —
Asher didn’t stop, but as his hands slid up beneath Levi’s shirt, there was a pause so brief Levi almost missed it, and then Asher’s kiss gentled. His mouth moved down to Levi’s neck, and each kiss was soft, measured, and entirely wrong.
“Asher.” Levi got a hand into his hair and pulled Asher’s head up. “What are you doing?”
“This is our last first time,” Asher said simply. “You are smaller than you were in there…and you don’t reset anymore. I can’t do the things I want to do to you.”
Oh.
Levi understood several things at once. The carefulness was Asher protecting him, in a way, from the Asher that had no consequences in the game. He should be grateful. Asher was being considerate and gentle, even if for only a few minutes. He needed this gentleness the first time. He probably needed gentleness again, because Asher was right. This would be the last first time.
But nothing that had happened out here was gentle either. Asher was still demanding, still cruel, still needy in ways that overrode Levi’s wants, and Levi loved him anyway.
Fuck that.
Levi’s hands came up to Asher’s chest and shoved him to the side. Asher didn’t resist, rolling to his side, and Levi shoved him again until his back was flat on the mattress and Levi followed, straddling his hips and pressing his ass firmly against the growing bulge in Asher’s pants. Levi yanked his own shirt over his head and grabbed Asher’s jaw the same way Asher had grabbed his dozens of times.
“What happened,” he asked breathlessly, “toI get what I want, the way I want it?”
A slow lopsided grin formed on Asher’s face as he looked up at Levi, and it was in that moment Levi began to question his sanity again. He knew this smile. This smile had too many teeth, even when his mouth was closed. The smile that heard “save my friends and I’ll let you touch me” and had already figured out how far it would go before ever knowing the rules.
“Well,” Asher said. “I guess wedohave two doctors we can call when things go wrong.”
Levi’s stomach dropped.
When,he thought.Not if. When.
Asher removed his shirt as he sat up and pressed the gentlest kiss to the tip of Levi’s nose. “I love you so much.”
Then Asher grabbed him by the throat and Levi was on his back, the mattress bouncing under him. Asher followed like gravity itself had changed direction, knees bracketing Levi’s thighs, mismatched eyes blazing with something that looked like relief and hunger and madness all at once.
Asher’s mouth crashed against the bite mark on Levi’s neck and his teeth sank in immediately, no warm-up, no tracing. Just a hard, claiming bite that made Levi’s spine arch off the bed with a startled cry. The pain was bright, immediate, blooming outward like ink in water. He felt the skin give under the pressure, the familiar wet heat of blood welling up.
“Fuck—Asher, it’s already there!” he cried, slamming a fist into Asher’s shoulder. Asher made a low, pleased sound against his throat and sucked. Hard. The pull sent a bolt of heat straight through Levi’s core, his body traitorously eager for what was happening to his skin.
Asher pulled back just enough to look at the fresh mark, his lips already smeared red. “Mine,” he whispered. Then he was moving again.
Teeth caught Levi’s left nipple in a full bite, sharp enough that Levi’s entire body pressed back into the mattress like he could sink through it as a high, humiliating sound ripped out of his throat before he could stop it. He slapped a hand over his mouth instantly.
Asher’s fingers locked around his wrist like a vice and slammed it back to the mattress beside his head.
“No.” The word vibrated against Levi’s sternum.