Exhaustion and whisky were a poor mix, and she sank against his chest with a sigh. That talk he needed to have with her would have to wait until morning. He closed his eyes as he enfolded her in his arms and kissed her hair. Though this Lowlander lass was wrong for him in so many ways, she felt exactly right.
***
Sybil awoke with her head throbbing. She squinted up at the gray, rain-laden sky and wondered why she was sleeping outside…then everything came back in a rush. She was penniless and homeless and on her way to an uncertain life in the wild Highlands.
“How’s your head this morning?” Rory gave her a reassuring smile as he sat beside her and handed her a cup. “Drink this down. It will help.”
As she drank the foul-tasting mixture, she debated whether it would be rude to ask him if they would share his cottage with his cow.
“I know ye came with me because you’re frightened,” Rory said, taking her hand, “and ye have no one else to turn to.”
Sybil lowered her gaze, embarrassed that her circumstances had sunk so low.
“I saw what ye meant about your sister’s husband crushing her spirit,” Rory continued. “I don’t want a wife who feels caged like Margaret does.”
What was he trying to tell her? Was this an excuse for leaving her? If he realized he did not want such an unsuitable wife after all, what would she do now? Though she did not relish the idea of living in a tiny cottage with a cow, she did want to live.
“On MacKenzie lands,” Rory said, “I’ll be able to keep ye safe.”
She swallowed and closed her eyes against the flood of relief that poured through her. He did not mean to desert her after all. In a weak voice, she managed to say, “Thank you.”
“I can do that without our being man and wife,” Rory said.
Sybil snapped her eyes open. She should have known he would disappoint her. Men never acted selflessly.
“If not your wife, just what would I be to ye?” she said. “Your mistress?”
“Ach, that’s not what I’m trying to say.” Rory fixed his gaze on the horizon. “My clan will take ye in and protect ye as my guest for as long as ye need. When the winds shift at court and your brother returns from exile, I’ll return ye to your home. If that’s what ye wish.”
Sybil was too overwhelmed to speak. Why would he do this for her?
“I don’t want ye to be my wife only because ye must to be safe,” he said.
She never cried, and yet tears flooded her eyes. When Rory turned and caught her wiping them away with her hands, his brows shot up.
“Did I say something wrong?” he asked.
She shook her head and choked out, “This is kind of you.”
“Nay, ’tis not kindness, but selfishness.” He lifted the corner of his plaid and dried her cheeks. “I flatter myself that I deserve a wife who wants me for her husband.”
As she watched him through watery eyes, Sybil was tempted to tell him that she was that woman, that she wanted him for her husband. But she reminded herself that Rory felt honor-bound to protect her only because he had signed his name to a piece of parchment. She could not accept him as her husband without first telling him that it was all a lie, that he owed her nothing. She could not risk that.
“You deserve a devoted wife who loves you with all her heart,” she said.
That kind of love took trust, did it not? Sybil doubted she was capable of it. Time and again, the men closest to her had put their interests before hers.
Nay, she would never let herself trust like that. Even now, despite all Rory had done for her, she was waiting for the moment when the cost of caring for her well-being became too high and he decided to sacrifice her.
When that moment came, she feared it would hurt her even more than her brothers’ betrayal had. It would be a grave mistake to let herself be trapped forever in marriage to a man who could hurt her that much, time and again.
As she faced an unknown future fraught with peril, Sybil was certain of only two things. If she married Rory, she would lose her chance of ever returning home.
And she wanted to go home, to her life as it was before.
She had no notion how many months or years it would take, but her family would eventually return to power. The Douglases always did.Until then, she would do her best to adapt and survive in a harsh land among strangers.
She must also steel herself against the day that would inevitably come when Rory would fail her, and she would have no one to rely on but herself.