“Of course I can,” she said. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Because I think ye want me, and God knows I want you.” His expression grew serious.“I have since the first time I saw ye looking like a faery princess in a sparkling gown at Holyrood Palace. And I’ve wanted ye more every day since.”
Oh my.She ran her tongue over her dry lips. “But ye said I wasn’t your sort of woman.”
“You’re the wrong sort of lass in every way,” he said, brushing his thumb across her cheek. “But I cannot help myself.”
With his black hair falling over one eye, Finn was dangerously appealing, and she was all too aware of his hard-muscled body against hers through her thin night shift. If his kisses were a hint, and she suspected they were, then making love with Finn would be nothing like having William grunt over her. She was sorely tempted to find out…
“There’s no reason to deny ourselves when everyone here thinks we’re wed,” he said. “And there’s nothing to fear since ye cannot bear a child.”
Ye cannot bear a child.Finn had hit upon the open wound in her heart and the true reason she could not say aye to him. Though she longed for his touch, his kisses, and more, she could not risk another pregnancy and miscarriage. She just could not face that heartache again.
“This will not happen.” She rolled away from him and lay against the wall, taking up as little space as possible.
He deserved an explanation. But she was not ready to tell him about her deepest sorrow, her failed pregnancies. She might never be. The wound was too deep, her failure too painful to share.
The room was so quiet she could hear his every breath. She was overly aware of her own breathing as well, even her pulse. It would take so little for the tension between them to ignite into something she could not control that she was afraid to move. Finn was right to question how long they could share this bed without giving in.
Staying here with him was dangerous. It was not Finn she feared, but her weakness for him. No other man could tempt her this way. Despite her efforts to resist, he had breached her defenses.
It would be unfair to ask Finn to take her halfway across Scotland to her sister Sybil so soon after they arrived and when so much was at stake for him. His aunt’s warning still rang in her ears.
It will be no easy task to win your place here…no running off again!
She had no money or jewels to pay someone else to take her. Even if she did, she would not know whom to trust to take her. It was a great distance, and she had a young child to consider.
In truth, she would not trust anyone but Finn. He could have abandoned them when Moray no longer wanted her kidnapped. Instead, he had brought them to this place, far from her brothers’ reach. For as long as she and Ella needed to stay here, they would be safe.
Until she was able to leave, she would just have to manage this…situationwith Finn. She had navigated the perils of her marriage for years—catering to William’s demanding nature, soothing his erratic moods, and suffering his relentless criticism.
After that, she should have no trouble containing what was nothing but a simple attraction between her and Finn.
CHAPTER 16
Margaret awoke alone in the bed and sat up, looking for Finn. He was gone, and she had no notion where he was. After she refused him last night, she ought to feel relieved to avoid the awkwardness of waking together. Instead, she felt unsettled. Of course, it was only because she was accustomed to having him nearby. Except for the hour he went inside Huntly Castle, he had been her constant companion since the night he took her from Old Thomas’s cottage.
Judging by the sunlight shining through the narrow window, she had slept late. She dressed quickly, wishing she had a clean gown to put on, and went to find Ella. When no one answered her knock on Una’s door, Margaret pushed it open. Panic welled in her throat as she took in the neatly folded blankets on the pallets and the empty room.
Why had she let Finn and his aunt persuade her to leave Ella with a stranger? She did not know these people! She ran down the stairs and entered the hall breathless. When she saw Ella at the table eating porridge, the relief that poured through her body was so intense it made her limbs feel weak.
She had not realized becoming a mother would make bouts of terror a regular part of her life. But then Ella looked up from her breakfast and broke into a smile, and Margaret knew the worry was a small price to pay for the joy her daughter brought her.
Servants had cleared away most of the dishes, and the men were gone. She suspected the four women who had remained at the table were waiting for a closer inspection of Finn’s new bride.
“Good morning,” Margaret said as she slipped into the seat beside Ella and put a protective arm around her.
Finn’s Aunt Helen and Una greeted her with warm smiles that showed they were prepared to like her. His mother and sister-in-law, however, wore hard expressions that seemed to say they had already decided Margaret would meet their worst expectations.
“What with all the…excitementof Finn bringing home a bride, I’m afraid we failed to introduce ye to his mother Isabel and his brother’s wife Curstag,” Helen said, nodding toward the two women. “Now, shall I have the cook prepare some eggs and bacon for ye?”
“No need to go to the trouble,” Margaret said, knowing the kitchen servants would be busy preparing the big noon meal. “If there’s porridge left in the pot here by Ella, that will do fine for me.”
That earned her a nod of approval from Helen, which confirmed that the question had been a test to see if Margaret was the demanding sort of guest who created extra work for the hostess and her household.
“Did ye know Finn makes a perfect porridge?” Margaret said to fill the awkward silence as she served herself from the pot.
Helen beamed at her. “I taught him.”