"Then what is it?" Asher crosses his arms. "Guilt? Regret? A sudden realization that maybe you overreacted when you called her a liar in front of the entire club?"
"All of it," I snap. "It's all of it, Asher. I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I said things I can't take back, did things I can't undo. But that doesn't change the fact that she's in danger. That if the Vipers go after her while we're extracting Talia, she's a sitting duck."
"She can take care of herself," Zay says quietly from the couch. "She's not helpless."
"I know that. But she shouldn't have to do it alone." I force myself to say it, to admit what I've been avoiding for months. "I love her. I'm in love with her. And yes, I'm furious about the lying, and yes, I feel betrayed, and yes, I need time to work through all of that. But none of that means I'm going to let her get hurt because I was too proud to protect her."
Asher and Zay exchange glances—some silent communication I'm not part of.
"And how exactly are you planning to protect her?" Asher asks. "Show up at her door and announce you're her bodyguard now? After everything you said?"
"I'll figure it out." I run a hand through my hair. "Look, I'm not asking for your blessing. I'm asking for her address. Becausewhether she wants to see me or not, I'm not letting the Vipers use her as leverage."
"And if she tells you to leave?" Zay asks.
"Then I leave. But I stay close enough to make sure she's safe." I look between them. "I'm not trying to force myself back into her life. I'm just trying to make sure she survives long enough for me to figure out how to apologize."
Another long silence. Then Asher pulls out his phone, types something, and my phone buzzes a second later with a text containing an address.
"She's staying at her father’s old apartment," Asher says. "It's not secure—no alarm system, flimsy locks, ground floor access, and it is one of Ricardo’s known hideaways." He meets my eyes. "If the Vipers want her, that's where they'll look first."
"Then that's where I'll be." I save the address, pocket my phone. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me." Asher's voice is cold. "Thank me when you actually fix things instead of just protecting her from external threats while you're still the biggest threat to her emotional wellbeing."
The words land hard. "I know."
"Do you?" He steps closer. "Because here's what I know, Xavier. She loves you. Completely, devastatingly, in a way that's destroying her to be without you. And you took that love and you shattered it in front of seventy people because you were hurt and scared." His voice drops. "So yes, go protect her from the Vipers. Keep her physically safe. But don't you dare show up thinkingthat's enough. Don't you dare think that playing bodyguard makes up for what you did to her."
"I don't think that?—"
"Then what's your plan?" Asher interrupts. "Because if this is just about assuaging your guilt, about making yourself feel better while she's still bleeding from what you did, then stay away. She doesn't need that. She needs—" He stops. "She needs someone who's going to fight for her. Actually fight. Not just show up when it's convenient."
"I am fighting for her," I say quietly. "I'm just starting with keeping her alive. Everything else—the apology, the groveling, the begging for forgiveness—comes after I make sure she's safe."
Zay stands slowly, wincing at the pull in his ribs. "Then you better mean it, X. Because if you hurt her again, if you make her think you're there to fix things and then you pull the same shit you pulled four months ago—" He doesn't finish. Doesn't need to.
"I mean it." I look at both of them. "I don't know how to fix everything I broke. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. But I know I can't lose her. I can't—" My voice cracks. "I can't survive losing her."
"Then tell her that," Asher says. "Not us. Her."
"I will." I turn my wheelchair toward the door. "Tomorrow night. After we get Talia out. After I make sure she's safe. I'll tell her everything."
I make it to my room before the weight of it hits me—what I'm about to do, what I'm planning, the enormity of trying to fixsomething I shattered so completely. But underneath the fear, underneath the doubt, there's something else.
Determination.
I'm going to protect her. I'm going to keep her safe. And then I'm going to grovel until she either forgives me or tells me to go to hell. Or tells me to fuck off permanently.
19
VALENTINA
Ricardo’s apartmentis way more depressing alone on a Friday night than it is any other night.
I'm sprawling across the bed in oversized sweatpants and a tank top that's seen better days, half-watching some old cartoon marathon on the grainy TV. Tom and Jerry, I think, though the colors are so washed out it's hard to tell. The volume is low enough that I can barely hear it—just background noise to fill the silence that's been pressing in on me since I got back from Dallas yesterday.
Cast's words keep circling in my head like vultures.Fight for him. Don't give up on the person who makes you feel alive.