“I don’t know what I’m doing, Pres.”
He tilted his head. “Here or at home?” I’d expected a snarky response, but he was fully in father mode, and maybe that’s what I needed right now. My own wasn’t around anymore, so maybe that’s what I was looking for with a club. A father figure who cared when I was fucked in the head.
“She’s still having the nightmares, and I don’t know how to help her.”
“That’s Lissa’s job, and hers. You can support her, but she has to get through this herself. Trust me, I’ve been there, and it takes time. Even when things are resolved, it takes time for that to actually happen in here,” he tapped his forehead, “and even then, our dreams will do whatever the fuck they want.”
I hadn’t expected him to be so logical this early in the morning, or at all, especially with all the stuff he was dealing with, having a club to run, and a wife and baby at home.
I dragged a hand down my face, and gulped the piping hot coffee, meaning to tell him he didn’t have to worry about me, and all that jazz. But instead all I said was, “Ow.”
Micro snorted. “Glad to see you’re making good decisions at least. Dickhead.”
I really couldn’t argue with that. What was I thinking?
“While you’re crying over your burnt mouth, let me tell you what I think. You’re a good person. You have a big fucking heart, and you’re always trying to help everyone around you. That’s why we gave you a chance here. That’s why this prospectthing is damn near over. You’ve proven yourself time and time again. Not because you threw money at the club when we needed it with those housing options, but because you threw yourself into it to defend our colours. Because you’ve supported other brothers through shit, and because you threw a damn good night out last night. You’ve more than proven you’re Phoenix material, brother. I just think that you need to get your own house in order now. She needed you and you stepped up. You’re giving her everything she needs right now, so just give it time. Stop expecting things to be perfect right away, because the chances are they never will be. Perfect is an illusion. An ideal we’re all encouraged to strive for, but you know what? Almost perfect is what you want. Will you argue over shit? Sure. Will she get cranky once a month? Obviously. Will you get pissy about stuff like a little bitch… I mean, the chances are good…”
“You were doing well until that,” I pointed out and he grinned.
“Hey, I speak good sense, but I’m still me. I have to have my fun. Here’s the key thing. You’re in. You’re one of us. I’ll get that underway for you, but your focus needs to be on her right now. She wants to cry, you hold her. She wants to scream and break things, give her an outlet for that, even if it’s your face. It won’t make you any less pretty, I promise. Aw,you flipped me off, that’s adorable. She’s safe now, so just be patient with her while she takes time to understand that.”
I sighed, sipping the coffee tentatively, and nodding, my head still hanging low.
“I get that. I mean, I feel like I’m doing that.”
Micro kicked his feet against the desk idly. “Are you though? Or are you doing the exact opposite, and getting frustrated?”
Hell, how could I even answer that? I didn’t honestly know which one I was doing. Was I being impatient? Was I expecting too much too soon?
“You’re fucking, I assume?”
My head shot up, and I glared at him.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Look, she’s been through a nightmare, and she’s healing. You’re hopefully not just a tool she’s using for that process, but whether this goes further or not in the long term, she needs to know you’re still going to be there as her friend. Right now she could be living in fear of losing you if those feelings aren’t real. Technically you two fucking right now could be classed as a rebound.”
Jesus. He was right.
“When did you get so smart, Pres?”
He shrugged, grinning widely as he hopped off the desk and moved around it to sit down.
“Always been smart, and I keep telling you all, just no fucker believes it. So, Grease is looking into your friends, Grimm and the others. I’m open to a connection there, but nobody else is getting in without some prospect time. It’s not enough to just know the facts, I have to see how people behave when it counts. I’m sure you get that, since it’s how you just proved yourself. I’m open to it being short term prospect phases for guys already in the life, but I’m not letting in any bad seeds.”
Fair. I nodded, and he continued.
“I like the club very much. Soph already wants to go back, and I have a feeling that’s going to become a regular haunt for us guys. Ha. See what I did there?Haunt. I really am smart.”
And now he’s a dickhead again.
“Smart-ass, you mean. So when am I getting this thing off, and a real one on?”
He quirked an eyebrow. “A real one? Wow. Did you not get the point of the prospect cut at all? Maybe you need another few weeks.”
“Fucker! You know what I mean.”
Micro grinned, opening up his tablet and swiping the screen.
“I’ll get with Harley and get something arranged. Not gonna be pretty with this place still half built.”