He does a double take, then a small laugh escapes. “Really? I thought you’d tell me no.”
I reach up and touch the hand rubbing Mia’s back. “I’m trying something new. Letting people help me.” Wincing, I admit, “I really didn’t want to drive myself today. I haven’t driven in a city this big…well ever, and I’m a little anxious about it.”
He’s staring down at our hands. I give his hand a little squeeze, trying to convince myself those little shivers I’m feeling are just a reflection of my total lack of adult human connection the last few years, then let my hand drop.
We ride down to the garage in peaceful silence and when the doors open, the first thing I see is the minivan. The side door is open, and the pink seat from Colt’s Hummer is securely fastened inside.
I look from the van to Colt in surprise. He clears his throat. “Jonas is pretty clean, but I wanted to make sure it was in good shape, and get Mia’s seat moved over.”
I blink back the tears that fill my eyes. “Thank you, Colton.”
Somehow, this small simple kindness is hitting me harder than anything has so far. I’ve never had this. Someone who would do something to make my life a little easier. Even the few boyfriends I’ve had were more likely to ask for favors, rather than give them. I know how to strap in a car seat, but the fact that he did it for me is breaking me open.
He secures Mia into her car seat, then glances back at me. “Ready to g—“. I lunge at him, wrapping my arms around his back, squeezing tightly. “Hey,” he whispers, spinning in my arms, hugging me back tightly. I turn my head, resting it against his chin, feeling the curly hairs of his beard against my forehead.
“You’re a great hugger,” I tell him. “I’m sorry I was mean to you on Saturday.”
“It’s ok. We’re ok, Evie. I promise.”
I nod, and it must be wishful thinking, but I swear I feel a whisper of a kiss on my head. I get control of myself and pull away, patting my too-big scrubs back into place. Taking one last look at Mia, fast asleep in her seat, I pull myself together, looking at Colt’s still form. “Ok. Let’s get this show on the road.”
It feelsincredible to be at work as a nurse. My brain is engaged in a way that it hasn’t been in two years. I feel like me again. The day flies by, and before I know it, Mia and I are walking toward the waiting van. Colt hops out to help me get Mia secured, a big smile on his face.
“How was your first day? Tell me everything.” He orders as we pull into traffic.
I study him, looking for some sign that he’s just being polite, but I don’t see it. So I do. I tell him everything. I tell him about my coworkers, the guy who came in with a knife stuck in his head, the mom in labor who didn’t make it upstairs. I’m still talking as he hands me Mia, then lifts the tailgate, pulling a half dozen grocery bags out of the van.
My words stutter to a stop, looking from him to the bags. His eyes dart to mine, then he heads straight for the elevator, his shoulders tense. Pursing my lips, I follow him, hiding my smile.
When I unlock the door to my apartment, he pushes past, placing the bags on the counter. “Your fridge only had the basics. I stopped and got you some things to tide you over until you can go shopping.” He rubs his beard and clears his throat. “There’s roasted chicken, and some other easy-to-put-together things for supper.”
Moving back to me, he kisses Mia on the cheek. “Goodnight.” And he’s gone.
Laughing, I put Mia down and head to the kitchen to put away my groceries, thinking about how spooked he looked. Worried I was going to yell at him for buying me groceries. But I’m over it. No more yelling at the hot guy for doing incredibly thoughtful things. I’m just going to let myself enjoy it.
So I do. He drives me to work and picks me up every shift. It didn’t start as a plan. He was just there, waiting for me with a smile on his face. On my days off, he pops in to say hello, but never stays long. I look forward to seeing him so much, it’s ridiculous.
We’re building a friendship, slowly but surely. Sharing stories of our days at work, laughing over coworkers. And he always says goodbye to Mia with a kiss. It’s the sweetest goodbye. But I don’t ask him to stay, to sit, to eat. I don’t do any of the things I want to.
Because I’m catching feelings, and don’t really want to.
Falling for the sexy guy who loves my daughter would be so freaking romantic. But my life isn’t a romance novel. It’s more women’s fiction. A story about a woman who discovers she doesn’t need a man to complete her. I’m not the girl that’s going to get this guy.
We don’t really socialize. I see him at the occasional dinner with Holly, but most of my days off are spent exploring my new city. Mia and I enjoy the last gasps of summer and play tourist, visiting anything and everything that catches our fancy, as long as it’s free.
I buy bus passes, despite having the keys to the van because I wasn’t lying. Driving in this city freaks me out. The bus lets me relax and just focus on Mia. It’s the most carefree I think I’ve ever felt, and the most time I’ve ever been able to spend with her.
Mia was in the hospital for so long. She’d only been out for a little while when I lost my job. Then when they took her, my focus was on jumping through any and every hoop they asked me to so I could get her back. That’s where I blew all of my savings, too.
When I had her back in my arms, I had to work as many shifts as possible to support us. I feel like I missed her growing up. Colt, Holly…all of them have done so much for me, but this gift, the gift of time with Mia, it’s the one I’m most grateful for.
At night, in the darkness of my bedroom, it’s not worrying about putting food on the table that keeps me awake anymore. It’s Colt. Always Colt. I replay the feel of him carrying me down those stairs the day we met. And the strength of his arms as they hugged me back.
I’m craving him. More of his touch, more affection. More everything. I keep trying to convince myself that it’s affection, in general, I’m missing, but it’s not true.
It’s male attention. I’ve had my head down for so long, focusing on Mia and survival, that I’m realizing I’ve ignored this whole side of me. The womanly side. But my daydreams about Colt are going to have to stay that way, just dreams.
No matter how much I wish the way his eyes light up around us means something more.