I blow out a breath, then look him straight in the eye.
“They’re not big dreams, Kade. I was thinking about road trips. And sleeping in on Sunday mornings. And making dinner together.” I smile. “And arguing about what movie we’ll go see. And maybe someday having a house and kids. It’s trick-or-treating and family dinners and Christmas morning.” Kade's eyes are fixed on mine. He doesn’t look scared off. If anything, he looks…intrigued.
“I’ve never had most of those things, Becca. But how the fuck does me being rich mean I can’t have them now?”
“Ah…well, your life seems so much bigger than all of that.” That sounds pretty thin, even to my ears. Kade shakes his head and waves his hand around the room.
“This is my life, Becca. I go to work and I go home. I may put a fucking suit on, but at the end of the day, I’m in jeans and a T-shirt. And I’m with you. What is it that’s so big about my life?”
That sounds pretty great. What is the problem with that?
“Well, what about when you have to go to some business dinner and need your girlfriend to go with you?”
Kade tilts his head at me in confusion.“What part of ‘I fucking hated it’ are you not getting? If there’s something I want you to come to, I’ll fucking ask you. You don’t want to go, you say no.”
That seems way too easy.
“Kade, I’ve seen what it does to a relationship when two people want different things. It destroyed my mom and dad’s marriage. I don’t want that for myself.”
“I don’t have any fucking expectations, Becca,” Kade growls.
“Seriously? How does that work, then? You have to go to some fancy gala and if I don’t want to go, you what? Take a date instead?”
Kade snorts and looks at me, his frustration with me written all over his face. “Why is this concept so fucking hard for you to understand? And why are you still talking about fucking galas? I don’t want to go to some gala. I’m a fucking billionaire, and that means I don’t have to go anywhere I don’t want to.” He winces and clarifies, “Well, unless my brothers need me. Then I go. And if they’re asking me to go to some fucking ritzy party then it’s for a damned good reason, so I’ll go.”
“So you have no expectations of me at all?”
“No,” Kade says firmly.
Huh. While I’m relieved, I’m also a little worried. How does a relationship work when one person doesn’t have any expectations of the other? It’s completely unrealistic. I study Kade. He looks more than finished with this conversation. A smart woman would probably just let this go, smooth it over, and carry on as if everything was fine. I don’t do that.
“You should have expectations of me, Kade,” I tell him firmly. I ignore his growl. “Seriously. What do you need in a relationship?” Jesus, the confusion on his face is heartbreaking. Does he not realize that he deserves things too? That relationships are supposed to be a two way street? “How do you want to be treated, Kade? What does your partner need to do for you to make you feel loved? What do you want life to look like a year from now? Hell, five years from now.”
My heart breaks a little bit looking at him. He looks lost. Like he’s never considered what he might need in a relationship.
“Things are okay, aren’t they, Becca?” he asks, his voice hesitant.
I sigh, “I know this is new, Kade. We still don’t know that much about each other. But in the last month, I’ve caught feelings. And I really want to see where this could go. Honestly, I think it’s pretty great so far. I think it could keep getting better. But,” I tear my eyes away and focus on a scratch on the table, “if that’s not what you want, if you don’t see the possibility of a future, then I’d really appreciate you telling me.”
“And if I don’t see a future, Bec?” My heart drops. I knew this was a possibility, that I was building us up to be bigger than we truly are.
“Then we stop seeing each other, Kade. If you don’t see this going anywhere. If your feelings aren’t growing like mine are. Then I need you to be honest about that before I fall all the way in love with you.”
Kade’s arms drop from the table, and he leans back in the booth, scratching the stubble on his chin.
“Fuck…you’re not one to just…coast, are you?” His brows are drawn.
I shrug, steeling myself. “I don’t want to live my life with regrets, Kade. What we have together? It’s so good. I want more of it. I want more of you. And I know I flipped out a little. I’m sorry, the whole mega-rich thing threw me a bit. It’s an obstacle, but clearly, one we can get over. But if your feelings for me aren’t growing the way mine are for you … well, I don’t think I can get over that. I want the big love, Kade. I want to find the person who will hold my hand in fifty years, telling me how beautiful I am, dentures and all.” His mouth quirks before turning down again. Kade sighs and drops his hands on the table. He looks torn.
“Becca, I’ve never seen that. I’m not sure I believe it exists.” I swallow past the emotion in my throat, sad for him all over again. Sad for me. “But I've also never been in a relationship like this before. With someone like you. You’re pretty fucking strong, Becca. And you have your shit together in a way no one I’ve ever dated has. The picture you’re painting sounds pretty great. And I don’t want to lose you, but…”
The backs of my eyelids are burning. “But you’re not there yet.”
He shakes his head slowly. “No. That doesn’t mean I won’t get there. My fucking feelings for you are big. But I…” His chest deflates, and he pushes his hands through his hair in agitation. “Can you give me a bit of fucking time? I just need to catch up a bit.” He reaches across the table, his hand searching for mine. I let him take it. I want to feel his warmth wrapping around mine. “I don’t want you going anywhere. I want more of this. Can that be enough for now? Please, Becca.”
Can it be enough for now? If it’s not, then that means walking away. The idea of walking away from him, from the electricity between us, is agonizing. But I lied a little. I’m not falling in love with him. I’ve already fallen. I’m fucked already. If I walk away, I’ll break my own heart. And if I don’t walk? Well, maybe, if I’m patient, I could get my forever. I think he’s worth it.
We’re worth it.