“Six months. He was sick for three months before he passed away, so we had a little warning. I got to spend all my time with him.” I blink quickly, trying to push back the tears. I don’t want to cry right now, especially not in front of Kade. He rises and walks toward me, stopping with the tip of his big work boots an inch from my sneakers.
His eyes are so warm.
“You handled everything yourself? What about your mom? Brothers and sisters?”
I shake my head. “It was just us.”
“Ah, honey. You’re all alone,” Kade murmurs before opening his arms. He slides his hand behind my shoulder and gently guides me to his chest. Coming from him, it’s unexpected. But not unwelcome.
I let myself fall into him, not at all interested in trying to act tough and put together. As Kade wraps his arms around me, I feel the stress of the last twenty-four hours…hell, the last nine months bubble over. He pulls me into his chest, and I rest my ear over his heart. I feel his stubbly chin catch my hair where he rests it on the top of my head.
Our bodies are plastered together from the knees up. I keep my eyes closed against the tears and instead focus on Kade’s slow, steady heartbeat.
I didn’t realize how much I needed this simple comfort.
All the people back home would give me quick hugs and awkward sympathetic smiles. I don’t know what they were more uncomfortable with, death or my devastation at losing Dad. Either way, it felt like they couldn’t bear my grief and would pull away too soon. I would have done anything for a hug like this when Dad died.
The slow, gentle circles Kade is rubbing on my back. The big powerful arms holding me tightly. It feels like he would stand here for as long as I needed. I let myself soak it in, memorizing the cadence of his heartbeat, the whoosh of his breath, the rise and fall of his chest, the spice of his skin, before slowly pulling away.
His arms tighten for a minute before unwrapping.
I step back and take a deep breath before meeting his eyes. The warmth is still there on his face, but so is something else. Something that makes my belly clench.
“Thank you. You’re great at that,” I tell him. “Gold star!”
I’m such an idiot.
The corner of his mouth curls up. My head feels fuzzy. I slide out from between him and the door and make my way back to the counter, tidying up already tidy piles of paper. He’s leaning on the door now, watching me.
“I ah, think I’ll head up. Thanks for today, Kade.”
He’s watching me like I’m a problem he’s trying to solve. I feel more nervous words bubbling up, but I clamp my lips together to hold them back. He watches me for days more before nodding and pushing off the door.
“Get your purse. Let’s go.” I’m grabbing my purse from behind the counter before he even finishes. I briefly wonder what else I would do, without question, if this man asked me to, but I drag my mind out of the gutter.
“Where are we going?” I ask, but I don’t really care. I’m not ready to go up to the empty apartment.
“Food. I’m fucking starving.”
I smile at him. “Food sounds good.”
Kade leads me to his truck, opening the door for me to jump in. I didn’t know guys still did that. I resist the urge to bow or do something equally awkward, giving him a small smile instead.
I feel completely out of place as I look around the luxurious leather interior. It’s expensive, the chrome accents are shiny, and it’s so, so clean. There’s not even a speck of dirt on the floor mat. I wonder what he thinks of my ancient, messy car. What he thinks of messy me. I smooth my hands over my hair before tucking my hands under my armpits so I won’t leave fingerprints.
“We’re just grabbing food. You can stay here if you’d be more comfortable. I’ll bring you back something.” Kade’s voice snaps me out of my spiral of embarrassment. He’s twisted in his seat, looking at me. The tick is back in his jaw.
“I…I’m comfortable.”
I’m so not.
I wish he drove a rusted-out pickup with dust everywhere. How does his truck stay so clean while the office gets so dirty? It doesn’t make any sense.
“Don’t fucking lie to me. You look like you’re afraid I’m about to drive you out to my murder house.” His words are sharp, clipped. His anger stabbing at me, jolting me out of my thoughts. Jesus, his attitude flipped fast. I throw my hands up and twist to face him, taking in his cold eyes and hard face.
“Woah, dude!” I have to laugh. “Looks like we both have our heads up our asses.You’re over there, thinking I’m a scared little chick terrified of you. Meanwhile, I’m over here trying not to dirty up your perfect, worth-more-than-my-old-house, truck.”
I snort and shake my head at our mutual stupidity before leaning forward, pressing my fingers on every surface I can reach in the truck. It takes a while. Kade’s watching, unmoving, as I mark everything up. I settle back in my seat.