I nod, because it’s true. “I had fucking brain damage, man. My piece-of-shit father took away my words.”
“I know, man,” he says softly. “It made it so fucking hard for you. But you popping off? It gave you a pretty wicked rep. You were unpredictable, and violent as hell. Honestly, we made it work for all of us. Did you know Ransom brought you to meetings just to intimidate people?
I have to laugh. “I guess. I mean, I knew I wasn’t there to fucking negotiate. All I could do was stand there and be intimidating.”
“Exactly man. Just your rep, and your mean mug put people on edge. It was a killer tactic, honestly. But that’s not who you are anymore.”
“What?” I say in exasperation, throwing my hands up.“Where are we going with this?”
Kade’s leg finally stops bouncing when he laughs. “When was the last time you beat anyone up?”
I have to think for a minute. “Nick. Last…week.” I smile, thinking of that fight.
Kade snorts. “Wrestling with our brother over the last piece of cake doesn’t count, man. I mean, really lost your temper and used your fists to solve a problem?”
I sit back, thinking. Then thinking some more before finally shaking my head. “Years.”
“Right, because that’s not who you are anymore. You’re the top custom guy on this side of the country. You have a years-long waiting list. You’re a master. And you’re a fucking billionaire. You’re not the brawler, because you don’t need to be anymore.” His smug smile is getting on my nerves.
“And,” I prompt. There’s a little tingle of…something in my gut.
“You thinking you’re too big and mean to be with Holly is bullshit.”
I shake my head, rising to my feet, unable to sit still for this. “Not.”
“Yeah it is. Would you ever raise a hand to her?”
My stomach churns at the idea of hurting her, even accidentally “N…Never.”
“Of course you wouldn’t. Because you’re a good fucking man.” He rises, stopping next to me, putting his heavy hand on my shoulder. “You’re the best man I know. Holly would be so fucking lucky to have you.” His voice is so sincere. He truly believes it. For a minute, I imagine it’s true. That I could deserve Holly. That we could be together. But I don’t get far in my imaginings.
“She’s afraid of me. Anytime I’m around her, she backs away. She doesn’t feel the same.”
“I don’t know how she feels, but Becca shared something you need to know.”
I lean forward, wanting any bit of insight he can give me.
“Holly thinks you hate her,” he says, hand tightening on my shoulder. “You’ve been glaring, staring, and generally acting like a grumpy ass around her. She’s taking it personally.”
I close my eyes. “Fuck.” The word comes from deep in my chest, from a pit of self-disgust I’ve never felt before. “I didn’t realize. My face…I didn’t know.”I would never look at her like that on purpose. Never.
“I know that,” he says, nodding. “That’s not who you are. I think maybe it’s just leftover from the old you? Or a habit?”
“Maybe…both.”I admit.
“You can fix it, man.” He says, smiling at me.”There’s still time.” His smile drops as he continues, “But don’t wait. You have to talk to her soon. Don’t let her keep misunderstanding you…I don’t want her to bolt.”
“She can’t go,”I sign. “I need her to stay.”
He takes his hand from my shoulder, moving it to rub the back of his head again. “Listen, I made a lot of mistakes with Becca.”
“No shit sherlock. You had your head up your ass.”I say, dodging the fist he aims at my gut.
“Why am I even trying to help you, man? I should just let you rot here with your books.” There’s no heat in his words. We’ve been there for each other through all sorts of shit, this conversation won’t break us. Though we may have a rough time looking at each other for a while because…feelings.
“Tell,” I prompt him.
He exhales and drops back on the couch. “I almost lost her, man, because I couldn’t believe I deserved her. I didn’t think I was good enough. Now I get it.”