Now that I was living here, Dolo bought one for me, and I would often sit there whenever I was trying to style my hair. That’s what he was sitting on. He was still in his street clothes. Dressed in all black, with two of his guns sitting on top of the counter. His shoes were off, but his socks were still on. His hands were in his lap, with his head down. I could tell from his body language that he was defeated. The defeat that he had going on right now was so loud. I truly hated seeing him like this, so that’s when I removed myself from leaning against the wall, and I chose to walk over to him.
The second I walked in, he glanced over at me. I haven’t gotten a smile out of him in a few days, so when I walked in, and he gave me a tad bit of a smile, he did make me a little happy. He stuck his hands out, like how you would do with a baby when you were trying to get them to come to you.
I walked over to him, stood right in front of him, and like second nature for him, he reached his arms out, placing them on my butt. I straddled his lap, locked my arms around his neck, and for a few seconds, I just stared at him. You saw the pain in his eyes behind those glasses. Dolo was relieved that Diego was still alive, but he was for sure living with a lot of guilt right now. He was blaming himself for the shooting, which is the reason he’s been so down lately.
“I know it’s hard right now because you’re in your head, thinking about all the what ifs. Your probably driving yourself crazy, wondering what would have happened if Diego didn’t make it out alive. He did make it out alive though, Dolo. That’s the part that should soothe you. He’s going to have a long journey of recovery ahead of him, but Diego is going to be fine. You know that,” I said to him, removing my arms from around his neck, and I placed my hands in his hair, running it through his soft, full curls. I knew he loved it when I would play in hishair. He’s told me that before. I would usually do it at night, when we were lying in bed together.
“I can’t help but to feel guilty, you know? Every morning when I go down to that hospital to see him, that shit eats at me. I brought him into this dope game. My parents had already accepted that I was going to hustle, but they tried to save my brother. He wanted to do his own thing though and follow behind me. It’s fuckin with my mind, seeing him hooked up to all those machines. He’s confined to a bed right now, and I’m so used to my brother being on the move, never wanting to sit down. This afternoon really fucked me up though. They had to change the dressing on his wound. I can’t get his cries out of my head. Nigga was in there screaming. I felt useless, bae. Wasn’t shit I could do as his big brother to help him. That’s eating at me,” Dolo shared with me, and it made me sad hearing him talk like this. I hated that he was blaming himself for it.
The things he was saying to me reminded me of some of the things that I’ve heard my mom say out loud over the years. Growing up, when she would start missing my dad, one of the things that I’ve heard her cry to her parents, or to her sisters was that Grim might have still been here if she didn’t need him to come to the salon that morning to drop me off to get my hair done. Every time she would say that, everyone would always tell her that she couldn’t blame herself for that because it was my dad that wanted me to have my hair braided that morning. The plan was for him to take me out later that night.
Then, with my brother, she would often question if he would still be here if she would have moved out of Miami after my father was killed. I knew what it felt like to watch someone take blame for something that was beyond their control. Dolo was doing exactly that.
I took my hands out of his hair, so that I could place a hand under his chin, forcing him to look up, and look me in theeyes. His eyes were watery behind his glasses. His face was so handsome. As down as he was right now, I still couldn’t help but to admire him.
“You’re going to drive yourself crazy trying to put all this blame on yourself. You don’t have any kind of control over grown people. Diego could have still loved you, and looked up to you, but chose to go in a different route. He didn’t though. The hustle was in him, just as much as it was in you, and that’s why he chose to live this life. He chose the life that ya’ll grew up around. He saw your daddy do it. He saw the money that he could make from living this life, and that’s what he chose. When I look at you these days, I’m not looking at you as a man that’s at fault for anything. I see a man that’s been at that hospital every single day. Your losing out on sleep. You’re not eating. You can’t blame yourself for that,” I voiced, and he dropped a tear, sitting here, trying his best to keep it to himself.
Crazy how the roles were reversed right now. I’m not going to sit here, and act like I’m always crying, but I do have my days when I get emotional, shed a few tears, and Dolo has always been the one to dry my tears away. He’s always the one nurturing me, trying to remind me of who I am, and letting me know that everything was going to be okay. I was pouring into my man right now in the same manner that he’s poured into me multiple times in the past.
“Diego is still here. You still have plenty of time left to live with him. Time to love on him and go through this journey of healing with him. Consider that a blessing. Everyone doesn’t have that outcome,” I finished, letting go of his chin, so that I could kiss him on his forehead. It took him less than a minute to get it together.
“Thank you, baby,” he said to me in appreciation. Instead of responding back to him, I chose to lean in, and I kissed him on his lips.
That’s all I was really trying to do. He was the one to slip his tongue in my mouth, and we had a passionate make out session. We haven’t kissed like this in days. It was the kind of kiss that made me dizzy when we finished. I didn’t want to get anything started in here, so I pulled away from him, laying my head on his chest.
“I have a location for the candlelight that their having for Elias. It’s intimate. Just for the family, and some of his friends,” he said, after a few minutes of silence went by.
Hearing him say that, I sat up and looked him in his eyes. I already knew what he was saying to me, without him verbally saying it. He had the location for the candlelight, and he was going to make a move with that.
I smiled, while wrapping my arms around his neck even tighter.
“And I want in on it,” I voiced, making him suck his teeth, and let out a laugh.
“I was on the phone with Kendrick on the way over here. I was telling him how I was going to make your ass sit this shit out. I’m nervous now that this shit happened to Diego. I want to tell you fuck no! I want to make you retire from the game because now I’m going to have this real bad urge to want to protect you, but I know you not going to go for that,” he said, causing me to roll my eyes at that.
“I’m glad you know that. I’m glad you didn’t even suggest that. I would have had to curse your ass out,” I said it in a playful way, but I was dead serious with him.
“Yeah aight,” was his response, lifting me up from his lap, so that he could stand up.
I haven’t been this close to him in days, so when he tried to place me down on my own two feet, I wouldn’t let him. I chose to wrap my legs, and arms around him tighter.
He carried me all the way over to the shower, so that he could start it. I’d already taken my shower for the night, but that’s just how desperate I was to be next to him, so I removed my clothes too, once he lowered me down, and he started coming out of his clothes.
I got inside the shower with him. I tried my best not to start anything up with him because I knew that he wasn’t in his right state of mind right now. Dolo obviously wasn’t feeling that way because all it took was seconds for him to bend me over, and he gave me that dick. I hadn’t had that dick in days, so once I felt it inside of me, I went crazy, missing this feeling.
I could tell by the way he was stroking me, and kissing me all over my neck and back, that he’d missed it just as much.
The Next Day
“You don’t have to stay. I’ll just see you tonight when you get me to bring me to the warehouse. Thank you, Mitch,” I said, reaching for the door handle, so that I could step out of the back of the car.
“You good. You ain’t gotta thank me. Go ahead,” Mitch responded, looking back at me with a smile on his face.
We’d just gotten to my mom’s shop. I had him bring me over here after my anger management course wrapped up. Today was the 23rdanniversary of my mom’s shop, so I wanted to stop by, and bring her a few gifts. I had beautiful pink roses in my hands, and a few gift bags as well. Crazy thing is, she didn’t even have to tell me that today was her anniversary. Certain things I just remembered.
I know she wasn’t expecting me. She always told me that I had the worst memory in the world, and that I could never remember to do the things for her that I said I was going to do,so when I walked in this afternoon, bearing gifts and flowers, I knew that she was going to get the shock of a lifetime.
Mitch went ahead, and he drove off. I walked over to the salon doors. Because I was carrying all this stuff in my hands, one of the ladies from the inside came over, and she opened the door for me. She was someone that was waiting in the sitting area, so that she could get her hair done. I thanked her for opening the door for me, and as I walked in, I spoke to the other women that were sitting around, waiting to get serviced.