The silence returns. It’s the sort of silence that would be pleasant when sitting with a friend, or maybe if I was taking a moment with Louis. But with Mum it prickles; demands to be filled. It’s not a comfortable silence between two people who know each other well enough to be quiet together, but the kindof silence that occurs between people who don’t quite know what to say.
I sip my coffee, racking my brain. ‘There are about four changes,’ I say at last.
‘What?’
‘On the train. Four changes.’
‘Oh, right. Will you manage, do you think? With your crutch?’
‘Yeah, I think I’ll be fine. Hal’s taking most of my luggage.’
The silence returns. It’s clear we’re both aware of it. It strikes me as bizarre that the only living person who’s known me my whole life feels like a stranger sometimes.
‘Lovely wedding,’ I say desperately.
‘Yes. Yes, it was.’
‘Must have been nice for you. To have everyone around.’
‘Yes. Yes, it was.’
‘Well!’ I say at last, draining my coffee. It’s probably the fastest I’ve ever chugged back a cup. ‘I suppose I’d better get packing.’
‘Yes. Of course.’ Mum takes my cup from its coaster and moves it over to the sink, running water in it immediately, her back to me.
I head for the door. But as my hand reaches the handle, I hear Mum say my name.
‘Yes?’ I ask.
‘You know, you don’t have to leave. If you don’t want to.’
‘Thanks, Mum. But you know… work.’
She sighs, shoulders slumping dramatically.
‘What?’
‘Oh, nothing.’ She puts the cup on the draining-board and starts washing her own.
‘No, what? What’s wrong?’ I’m angry rather than concerned. Over the years, I’ve become accustomed to Mum’s sighs. Theyhave a language of their own and this one suggested deep disappointment in me for some reason.
‘It’s just…’ She sets her cup on the drainer next to mine. Both bleed bubbles onto the draining-board from being over-soaped. ‘Well, it wouldn’t hurt you to spend a bit of time with your mother once in a while!’
‘Mum! Ihavebeen spending time with you!’
‘Yes, but… of your own volition.’
‘What?’
‘Come on, Sarah. The only reason you’re here is Louis’s wedding. When would you have visited otherwise? Christmas, if I’m lucky?’
‘You could always visit me! I’ve got a job, Mum. It’s not as easy as all that.’
‘Yet you spend ten days meandering across France with that man of yours.’
‘First of all, he’s not a man ofmine. And second of all, I didn’t have much of a choice. I broke my leg, remember? The doctor was worried about clotting! And if you must know, I spent three of those days in hospital!’
She turns, her brow furrowed. ‘Hospital?’