“Fine.”
Before I can overthink it, I squeeze between two children who are splashing in the water. Leaning down, I stretch my hand into the cool water.
One of the stingrays sweeps by, and my fingers slide along its slick back. It’s softer than I expected, almost like velvet.
Still slimy, but kind of cool.
When I pull my hand out, dripping wet, I stare at it. My heartbeat sounds loudly in my ears, like I did something far braver than stick my hand in some dirty water.
“Good enough?” I ask.
Caleb bites his bottom lip, and I see his eyes flashing. “Yeah, babe, that’s good.”
I find my cheeks heating at the term of endearment, and I rush to the sink to wash my hands.
When I turn back around, Caleb is on his knees, chatting with two children beside him, both of his hands in the water, the stingrays swimming by languidly.
He’s not bothered by this at all.
He’s too good for you.
I know that, but let me have one good thing for as long as I can.
Just as I think that, my phone buzzes in my back pocket. I pull it out and glance down, seeing my father has messaged me.
All the warmth of the moment evaporates. It’s replaced by a cold weight settling in my stomach. I hate that he’s interrupted this, that the courage I felt earlier has been overshadowed by him.
A moment ago, touching a stingray felt daring, and holding Caleb’s hand felt brave.
But now…
Now I feel hollow. In this moment, I feel like folding in on myself, like I’m nothing but small and weak.
“Your dad?” Caleb asks, jarring me from my thoughts. I shove my phone back in my pocket and shake out my hands.
“Um…yes. Did you wash your hands?”
“Yeah, I did. What did your dad want?” he asks, clearly not wanting me to steer the conversation in a different direction. It would be so easy if he’d let me. But I know that’s not fair, not after everything.
Not after letting him in the way I have.
“The same thing he always wants.”
“And that would be?”
I can’t tell him. Not now. Not when I have…this with him. It would ruin it all.
“I have…commitments, and he’s making sure I’m following up on them.”
His head cocks, his beautiful blue eyes meeting mine. “What kind of commitments?”
I can’t look at him when I say this, can’t bring myself to voice the truth. It’s ugly. It hurts.
“There are things that I just can’t divulge at the moment.”
He huffs. “Why? They top secret or some shit?”
My eyes close, and I let out a shaky breath. “Caleb, there are things in motion that I just don’t want to talk about. I’m sorry.”