We have a night off, and Taylor and I go out for dinner and drinks, and he wants me to get laid.I'm eating garlic parmesan wings but I'd rather have mango chipotle with you.
Mateo goes out with Sophie and some of the other teachers, and someone tries to set him up on a blind date.I haven't forgotten the taste of your mouth.
That turns me on more than eight simple words should. I almost bring up the idea of phone sex, and not for the first time. The years we've waited for each other have been built upon months built upon weeks built upon days, and more than a few of those were lonely. I stop myself now because Mateo and I have lines we won't let ourselves cross, even if the exceptions have been exceptional. I'll never forget the broken little sounds he made when he jerked off behind me. I'd brought a mess of contradictions to his door that night, and they excused the bourbon and dancing and orgasm that followed. And we've only kissed twice—at the beginning of something that made perfect sense and at the moment I was afraid I was ending it. Making each other come from across the country would be normal in a way nothing else has been. I won't break Mateo’s rules to ask for that tonight.
I don't actually say anything else to him, but I hope he says no to the blind date.
Harper's team loses in the second round of the playoffs, but it means I can fly her out for a quick Thanksgiving visit. We catch up when I'm not at the arena. She asks about Taylor's son and half my roster before I remind her she has a new boyfriend. Then she asks about Mateo.
My kid wants to know if you and I still talk. I guess we can't hide from her forever
She's 18 now. She'd still have to keep it quiet, but it's not the same as when I was her teacher and coach.
So you think I should tell her?
I think she's your daughter. You'll know what to do and when to do it.
If only it were that easy.
Christmas comes, and I cling to a framed picture of a bench I haven't sat on since the day I left California. Mateo and I could've said our goodbyes there, but I'd made peace with the ocean alone that morning. I could've flown home for a turnaround holiday hello, but I wasn't going to find any of the relief I needed if I couldn't spend more than a few hours with the man I love.
There's a game on New Year's Eve, and we win it. I call Mateo before I've left for home. Taylor sees me, but he only winks and waves and believes things about me that aren't true. For the first time since my arrival on the East Coast, I wonder whether his sister visits often.
Mateo asks whether I plan to make any resolutions, but I can't imagine why I'd bother.
Harper surprises me on my birthday. We're playing later tonight, but she's at my door absurdly early after her red-eye flight, and she takes me out to breakfast.
"You really don't mind that I'll be busy all day?" I ask.
She smiles, and I've missed her so much. "You didn't mind when I made you follow me all over campus in August, and I don't mind now. I'll be perfectly happy being introduced to Nikolai, Roman, Erik, and Jonathan before you have actual work to do."
"You mean, before they have an actual game to play. And you and Simon are still together, right? I didn't miss some big breakup news?"
"Yes, we're still together. Everything is great. I also think you have a really hot team."
"Just what every dad wants to hear on his birthday," I tease. My phone vibrates against the table, and I glance down as if all texts are created equal. After a second of letting my heart kick at my chest, I take the opening I've been given. "Hey, so, I know we talked aboutyou coming to the game when we're back in California next month. Are you still up for that?"
"Yeah, of course. I'll be able to see you there, plus catch up with a bunch of friends who stayed close to home. And mom. She'll probably want to have a spa day or something? Are you getting two tickets? I'm sure I can find somebody who'll want to go with me. Lizzie might be home then, but I don't know for sure yet."
"How would you feel about me giving the second ticket to someone?"
She looks at the phone in my hand, then back up at me. "Was that Mr. Z? Did he text you for your birthday?"
"It was, and yes," I say. "Would it be okay if I give the other ticket to him?"
Harper pauses, and I can't tell whether it's about Mateo or all the friends she could take to the game instead. Then she shrugs and gives one of her shortest responses ever, mostly because she has a forkful of pancakes in her hand.
"Totally fine."
Harper's here. We're having breakfast. You think you'll be okay going to the game with her next month?
I don't have time to reach for my bite before Mateo texts back.I'll be totally fine.
Two peas in a fucking pod. I shake my head, and my daughter and I talk until my game-day routine begins. She gets to meet Nikolai, Roman, Erik, Jonathan, and everyone else. Taylor has at least as many responsibilities as I do, but he takes time to show Harper around, and I'm grateful for all the ways the past is the past, even while I miss it with everything I am.
If I look around the arena for Mateo, it's not because I'm comparing one love to another.
Southern California feels downright warm compared to winter back east, and stepping through my own front door is the kind of heaven I believe in. There isn't much time to relax when we've got a couple of games down here, but I breathe in the Pacific Ocean for as long as I can. I stop by my parents' house because I have to. Kai meets me in the bar kitchen for a hug we didn't use to share. Harper is everywhere with everyone for the few days she'll be home.