“We ended up at the beach, actually.”
“The beach?”
“Thebench,” I sigh, pausing to appreciate the smell of bacon and ignore the rumble in my stomach.
Kai pulls a plate from the shelf in front of him and nods. “Your broken ass could’ve walked to half a dozen places from here—at least a couple of which have tacos—but instead you drove toward your house and ended up at the ocean.”
“Yeah.”
Before he can show off the puzzle he’s put together too quickly, Kai hands me a plate stacked with a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. I look down at the food and back up at him, a frown enough for him to answer my unspoken question.
“You haven’t stopped shaking since you got here. You’re nervous about the story you’re about to tell, which we both know is fucking stupid, but at least I’m not getting your selfie smile or media lies. And because you’re nervous, you didn’t eat this morning. Now you’re going to.”
I shake my head. “I don’t even think I’m hungry.”
“Bullshit. Eat the sandwich. If talking to me really makes you sick, you know where the bathroom is.”
“You know it’s not like that.”
“Andyouknow you won't shock me with anything you’re about to say,” Kai argues back. “I’ll admit the bench was a slight surprise, but take a bite and tell me the rest.”
I skip almost everything that matters, because even my best friend doesn’t need to see every bruise and the boldest ways I want to heal them. I take a couple of bites too, because he deserves to see something.
“I wanted more time with him—Mateo—so I had him drive us down there. We ate tacos and talked, and itstill wasn’t enough. He didn’t recognize me, even when he couldn’t stop staring, and I needed him to keep looking.”
“Oh, come on, J,” Kai says, stealing a bite of the sandwich he made and dropping it back onto my plate before he talks with his mouth full. “You’ve gone unrecognized before, even by people in your bed. That’s not what made him different.”
I nearly choke at the thought of Mateo in my bed, and how calm Kai is about my wanting him there. “It never went that far.”
“Ah, sothat’swhat made him different.”
“Oh, fuck you.”
Kai snorts. “I’m beginning to wonder whether you say that to everyone.”
“But you don’t care?” I ask.
“Not in whatever way you’re still freaking out about, no. And years after one very specific rumor, combined with—oh, let’s see—actuallyknowingyou, you can’t think this is news to me.”
I give up on the sandwich with a couple of bites to go and set the plate next to me on the counter. “We’ve never, ever talked about any of that.”
“We’re talking now.”
“Okay, yeah, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what it is about him. It was one night. And yes, I got to be Jamie, and hold Mateo’s hand, and talk about wishes like I was a kid again, but it was stillonenight.”
Once he’s finished my sandwich, Kai starts in on the dishes he shouldn’t have to do this early in his day and looks sideways at me. “How long did you stay on the bench?”
“’Til morning,” I whisper, clearing my throat when there’s more to say. “The thing is, I didn’t want to let him go, but there was no hurry either. We kissed, but it felt like we’d have the rest of our lives for everything else. We didn’t even say that to each other, and hewould’ve letmego if I’d asked him to. He told me nothing had to change—that he didn’t have to complicate my life—but it felt like we were making promises to each other. Like we were telling each other we want this to be the beginning of everything. And I don’t think I believed in that sort of thing.”
“Love at first sight?”
I wave him off quickly. “God, no. It’s notthat. It just matters. Wanting more than a night matters.”
“Right, okay,” Kai smiles. “So, now we’re back to where we began. The bar will be slammed on Saturday. You’re bringing a date anyway. Did you want me to run out and buy some fancy wine glasses for his Sam Adams or—”
“Actually, I was hoping you’d save a couple of stools for us. Which, yeah, is probably a bigger ask than fancy wine glasses.”
“You know, even without throwing your money around, you could get a nice table for two—maybe a corner booth, even—in a place that doesn’t specialize in beer and bad decisions.”