But I need to be naked too, so I let him go long enough to make it happen.
"Bed. Your bed."
Jamie throws the covers out of our way, and we climb onto each other as much as we climb onto the bed, me on top of him and him on top of me, slowly frantic about wanting everything at once. His body has continued to change, just as surely as mine has. I felt it when I hugged him hours ago, but the beautiful reality takes my breath away now. We're older, and he's so much further away from the years that demanded different things from him—both more and less in their own ways—and I'm as in love with this version of him as I would've been if I'd ended up beneath him during his MVP season.
I'm beneath him now, on my back after we've traded places one more time, and I make room for him between my legs and wrap my arms around him to keep him close. Kissing him is enough for a while, as if that's really all this is. Our hips never still while we rub against each other, and I'm reminded of how much he leaks when he leaves me slick and ready to beg. My fingers dig into his ass to demand more, and he whimpers in response.
"Jesus, 'Teo, I could come like this. I'm so fucking hard," hebreathes. "I want us to. I want to kiss you and feel you against me and come just like this."
"Tonight? Now?" I ask, though I'm far from opposed. I'll come however he tells me to.
He pauses, and I'm ready to reach between us just to encourage a decision either way, but then he's at my neck again. "No, not now."
"So tell me. Tell me, tell me, tell me," I chant.
Another long kiss shuts me up until Jamie's ready to answer. "There's so much. But I don't think I want it all at once. I don't want to chase nine years of fantasies when I'd rather convince both of us we have time for them later."
"It's okay. We can keep this as simple as you want. Loud and slow aren't reserved for fucking."
"No, that'sallI want," he says, slowly grinding against me as he speaks into my ear. "I want you to fuck me. That's—before that night, I'd never tried, and then you—it was so good. I was so mad at you, but it was so good."
The reminder of that extra layer of hurt—how I didn’t take my time with something that should’ve demanded it—is devastating. I want to roll him over and do everything right, but it won't fix what I've already broken. His entire life, Jamie's needed to be reminded that he's worth more than what his body can do for people—that he can be adored apart from a trade of entertainment for attention. He's told me all along that he wanted it slow, and then I got him face down on someone else's bed and rushed him through something that was supposed to matter.
"I'm sorry," I murmur against his lips. "I'm so sorry. I loved you all wrong."
"No, don't say that. Don't forget that night. Don't wish you could take it back. Just fuck me like we waited for this one."
Before I can continue with more apologies or promises, Jamiemoves down my body. I close my eyes as he takes the long way so he can memorize the reaction I have when he kisses or bites or licks or exhales over my collarbones or armpits or nipples or ribs. I think he needs to remember everything in case he's wrong about us having more time, and it's another three years before we find each other for another night like this.
It's why I'm paying such close attention.
But then he's at my hip, his teeth against my skin before he soothes the same spot with his tongue. He's asked me to give him something, but Jamie clings to his control for now, cupping my balls in one hand and lifting my dick to his mouth with the other. My foreskin has mostly retracted, but Jamie slides it over the head and back again before he drags his tongue from base to tip and moans.
When he does it again, I'm the one to moan. "Christ, you're cleaning yourself off me."
Jamie doesn't answer, taking me to the back of his throat instead. My hand is in his hair before I can piece together another coherent thought, but even this far gone, I don't push him. I just need to touch him anywhere I can.
When he's done with me, in this one way and for this one moment, he crawls back up my body to kiss me so briefly I almost miss it. I'd complain and hold on to him better if his next move wasn't to stretch across the bed for the nightstand drawer, and when he comes back with a bottle of lube and nothing else, I don't have words anyway.
He meets my hungry stare, but doesn't ask if this is okay with me. It's possible we both think I'd tell him if it weren't, especially when it feels like one more rule I'd follow or line I'd draw. Later, I'll tell him I'm too tired of both, but I'm still staring when he straddles me. I don't follow his hand as he works himself open because I'd rather watch how his eyelashes flutter in response to that touch.Jamie doesn't take as much time as I expect him to, but then his wet hand is stroking me, and I finally drop to look because it's what I wished he'd done on prom night, all those years ago.
It's when everything was supposed to change for us. It was when a lot of thingsdidchange for us, if only in ways we couldn't have predicted. For a moment, I think about what might have been, and then I arch into his fist and breathe his name.
Jamie rises onto his knees, then lowers himself onto me, and we both cry out like everything is brand new.
"This is—"
He doesn't finish his sentence, and that's okay. When he doesn't move either, my hands bracket his waist and encourage him to ride me, no matter how slow he wants or needs this to be. My age and experience grant me the patience he deserves, and for now, everything is for Jamie.
"Take it. Take me. I'm all yours."
"Please," he moans, lazily falling forward until he can kiss me even more lazily than that.
Always coordinated and aware of how goddamn good he is at everything, Jamie finally realizes just how much control he has like this, and he smiles into the kiss. Then he picks up his pace and settles into a rhythm designed to test the patience I'd just sworn I've mastered. I bend my legs and thrust up into him, cautious and caring while his tongue moves against mine. Neither of us had thought to turn on the air conditioning in a house he hadn't planned to use this weekend, so we're sweating already, panting and trying so hard to make this one unforgettable night last.
It won't happen unless I remind him of the things we've said.
Practiced and perfect, I flip us.