I'm already here. See you in just a minute.
I study myself in the full-length mirror and decide I look fantastic, then I grab the gift and hurry out the door. This elevator ride causes all the butterflies to return, and I remind myself that nothing has changed between us yet.
I haven't said anything important.
I haven't told him I'm willing to cross whatever lines will let me have him in secret while we wait another one or two or ten years to let the world in.
Jamie and I are still friends, but the doors open and he's there in his tux, and I just stare until I remember that I have tomove. Hisnervous giggle is as beautiful as he is, and I feel it against my chest when he hugs me. When we pull away, almost dizzy over the only semi-private moment we might get tonight, he takes the gift from my hand and ushers me toward the festivities.
"How's Harper doing?" I ask.
"She hasn't stopped talking about how excited she is. I only got a break now because she's getting dressed with her crew, but once we get you seated, I'll check back in with them."
I'd heard the wedding party included her friends Lizzie and Kate, both of whom I know from their high school days, plus a roommate of hers from Washington. Danielle must be around somewhere, though I haven't seen her since the handful of soccer games she attended, and I'm not sure which one of us is more likely to recognize the other. Abruptly, I realize Jamie's parents will be here, too. I don't know why that hadn't occurred to me—or why he hadn't brought it up—but it has me grabbing for his arm.
"Your mom and dad."
"Mmmm, yeah, they're here. Had a lovely conversation with them last night. They detailed the things I could've done better as a coach this season. Getting back to the second round of the playoffs after missing them entirely the year before wasn't good enough. Obviously. Coaching was supposed to be my chance to remind everyone who I am and recapture the success I surrendered when I—"
"You didn't surrender. You—"
He peels my hand off him and interrupts me with a peaceful little grin. "I know. And it's fine. I'm fine, I promise. They're here, but so are you."
I bite back most of what I could say and only tell him I'll find a seat on my own while he drops off my gift and catches up with Harper. It's impossible to ignore how calm he is on an evening that would excuse him for being more manic. Not only is his only child gettingmarried, but his ex is here and his parents are here andI'mhere, and Jamie's carrying the foolish confidence reserved for the times we're alone or in the middle of New York City.
I'm the unsteady one tonight. It's been so long since I've had to keep from loving him out loud.
The ceremony is scheduled to start in 15 minutes, and when I spot Kai, most of my anxiety quiets. I'm impressed he took a Saturday night off from the bar, and say so as I take the chair next to him. We haven't seen each other since May, but even side by side, it's easy to make the same small talk we do when he supplies me with wings and beer. Eventually, there's a shift in the music, and we turn to watch as older family members are walked down the aisle. Without my having to ask, Kai whispers to me when Jamie's parents arrive among other grandparents. Once all the special guests have been seated, the music changes again, this time to a beautiful instrumental, and I watch Lizzie, Kate, and another young woman make their way toward a gazebo set up in front of the crowd.
Then we all stand. It's for Harper, of course. Our attention. And I'm happy to give it because I've always loved weddings, and she's absolutely stunning, and I've spent enough time imagining what it would be like to be the person waiting at the other end of the aisle to understand how Simon must feel at the first sight of her.
But I don't think I've ever wanted to get married as badly as I do when I see Jamie now.
His wet eyes connect with mine as he passes with his daughter on his arm, and I don't know whether his emotion has anything to do with me. Kai squeezes my shoulder and reminds me to breathe, and I'm okay after that, other than the tears that fall when I hear poetic vows that would make any English teacher proud.
The reception follows immediately, and we're treated to an open bar and hors d'oeuvres while we wait for the wedding party to joinus. I have an Old Fashioned in my hand when Kai sees someone he knows and wanders off, and I'm surprised when Lizzie and Kate's parents recognize me years after we had a couple of brief conferences. Talking to them keeps me occupied until the DJ hypes everyone up to welcome the newlyweds. Jamie slips in just ahead of everyone else, but making a beeline for me would be unwise. By the time dinner is served, I still haven't been able to talk to him again.
The food is incredible, as is the music. Harper and Simon's first dance is followed by her dance with Jamie, and Simon's with his mother. They continue with more traditions, each new memory the couple makes backed by the laughter and cheers of the entire ballroom, and I hang back to soak it all in. I lose track of everyone at some point, and I'm mostly alone until I feel someone tap on my shoulder.
"How nicely do I have to ask to get you to dance with me?"
I turn toward Harper and chuckle. "You're the bride. I think you get anything you want, even if you're only slightly nice about it."
"Perfect. Let's go."
My suit jacket is on my chair, but I'm otherwise still fully put together, most of the guests louder and tipsier than I'll be all night. Harper is giddy as she leads me to the dance floor, but that's probably mostlyherand not anything she's had to drink. I look for Jamie because I don't know how to stop wanting him close, but he's been caught up in one conversation after another, and I'm guessing he's even more sober than I am.
His blue eyes are clear every time I catch him looking for me.
"Congratulations," I say as I sweep her into my arms. "And thank you for letting me be a part of your big day."
She shakes her head and makes a silly little face. "At the very least, you're like, colleague-adjacent now? Totally different districts, and I chose to teach history instead, but it still counts for something. Idefinitely didn't need any other reason to invite you."
"Even if you have one."
Neither of us looks away when I say that. There's no need for us to play dumb when we're far from it, and I twirl her just because I can, bringing her back to me in time for her to remember what I'd said just a minute ago.
"I'm the bride, and I can get anything I want," she starts. "So, Mateo, tell me—what's the story with you and my dad? Were you friends, and then together, and then not together, and then friends again? You've been staring at each other all night, so it seems like youwantto be together now, but if youaretogether now, you're keeping it a secret, even from me. Why haven't we ever talked about this? Why aren't you years into an actual relationship already? And please donottell me it's because of his career."