Chapter Seventeen
Darren
Noah, Adrian, and Beau all swing their focus from Jake to me and back again, trying to decipher a coded sentence that made perfect sense to me. I don’t explain anything to them, nor do I look behind me to figure out what caused that look in Jake’s eyes. I know he was talking to my father, but there’s nothing I can do to make him feel better right now—other than providing the Guinness he’s got in his hand—and I think all of us are better off enjoying the rest of Supine’s set.
A while ago, Riley had come over to make sureIwas okay, and I promised them I would be.
It’s more true with Jake in front of me again.
I cling to that comfort, but once the band is done playing, the late-night crowd begins to thin. All four of my friends leave within minutes of each other, Jake going home to shower before he meets me at my house later. And because we’d made it clear thatan announcement wouldn’t be made tonight, Overpour, Happily Never After, and Supine follow soon after—Drew in tow.
The downshift in energy is palpable, but I don’t mind it, even if it makes V’s quiet stare feel loud. Stalling for reasons she understands, I wipe down my half of the bar and give Riley more time than necessary to pour shots of Jack for a couple of frat boys on the opposite end. When they stare too, I toss the towel aside and take a long sip of water before I finally sit on one of the coolers. If Riley were anyone else, I think they’d be on my lap already, pinning me down for the conversation the three of us need to have. It says plenty when they rest a hand on my bare shoulder instead.
And when their fingertips press into my skin, I wonder whether the contact isn’t only for my benefit.
“You did a great job putting this together,” V says, still watching me closely. “I honestly don’t think we’d go wrong with any of them.”
“But—” I start, trailing off because she’ll finish the rest of her thought without my help.
“But I think we all know Supine has an edge in almost every category,” she shrugs. “Raw talent. Stage presence. Their sound. The songs they chose to cover. Early on, we’ll need to put in some work to spread the word about anyone playing here. But once people hear Sebastian sing, they’re gonna talk and they’re gonna come back.”
Riley’s hand tightens again. “Will you be okay if that means your father comes back, too?”
V nods. “You matter more than the music. I need you to make this call.”
My next sip becomes a necessity, and if I had enough words, I’d explain that I’m not choked up about my father. It’s this—them—the family I have right here in our little gay bar.Theymatter more than a man who might want me, but hasn’t yet.
“Hire Supine.”
She doesn’t push me any further than that. Doesn’t ask whether I’m sure or need more time to think about it. V won’t coddle me any more than I’ve coddled Jake in the months since I bandaged him up and drove him home, and I stand to give her a hug without saying more about it. By the time I’ve backed away again, Riley is saying goodnight to the frat boys, and I have a ridiculous moment of worry that I've made Jake wait too long. V has no idea, of course, but she waves me away and says she’ll handle closing. I only protest for a few seconds before Riley promises to stay a while longer in my place, and then I focus on any small ways I can help them until I’m officially done for the night.
When I reach the parking lot, I send Jake a quick text, then head home so I can shower, too. And as soon as I’m out, my head mostly clear and nothing but a towel around my waist, there’s a knock at the door and my dick twitches in response.
I let Jake in, and the sex is incredible.
I’d understood at Trailhead that he was the one who ached for this connection tonight, even before he’d walked into a conversation that seemed to hurt him more than it helped. Still,something about his need catches in my chest, and setting it free feels so fucking good. Jake’s still mostly dressed when he shoves me onto my couch and sucks my soul through my cock. He returns it to me a moment later with a kiss that might’ve made me come again if I weren’t creeping closer to 40. When I can finally look at him again, I admire his swollen lips and wet eyes, and then I drag him to my bedroom.
With my towel already left behind, I strip him between his polite growls and my vulgar whispers, and when he slams me against a wall hard enough to rattle one of Adrian’s framed photographs, I wonder if he’ll fuck me right there. He doesn’t, probably only because there’s not a condom within reach, but he lifts me until my legs wrap around his waist, and he holds me long enough for us to appreciate how well the position could work.
Next time, maybe.
Jake lets me down after another merciless kiss, and I push him backward until he hits the bed and I can climb on top of him, the comforter beneath us because we don’t care to get anything out of our way tonight. Every position is perfect and not quite right, so we move from one to another, his frustration taken out on me in a way I'd stop if I were a better man. I should make him talk about it, or at least do some talking of my own, but I let him turn me onto my stomach and fuck me. When his fingers end up in my mouth again, I almost smile around them before I start to whimper and drool a little, each of Jake’s thrusts angled just right.
I come. He comes. The comforter gets pushedto the floor. He cleans up. I grab a blanket.
He crawls back into bed with me, and I don’t think I’m as surprised as I should be. I love him like this, so sleepy and sated at my side. Still warm, his hands lazy as they move over my body, our legs tangled together. The tension is gone, and only a steady heartbeat remains in its place.
I love him like this. And maybe I just love him.
I close my eyes. He closes his. It’s a very long time before I’m awake enough to notice that anything has changed, but by late morning, the other half of my bed is empty, and I’m a lot more surprised than I should be.
I’m pretty sure I doze off again, restless about it but uninterested in getting up to face the day, my blanket wrapped around me like a cocoon that will allow me the time to become something else. When I decide I can’t stay there forever, I roll out of bed and tug on the briefs I pull from my drawer on my way to the bathroom. I need a haircut and a lot of coffee, but I splash some water on my face and tell myself Jake only left because he doesn’t like to miss church, even when he’s sleeping with temptation.
The note he left on my nightstand was too vague for me to know for sure.
I brush my teeth to keep myself from trying to call him now, and pace in front of the sink to stay an extra couple of steps awayfrom being able to text. My mouth is still full when I hear a knock at the door, and it’s embarrassing how quickly my body reacts to the sound. I hurry to finish what I’m doing when I realize it’s late enough for Mass to have been over for a while. And I want Jake to know that he can let himself in just as easily as he let himself out, but I think I lack the words to make that clear to a friend like him.
In my small house, it doesn’t take long to make it to my front door, and my mind is still racing past my heart. I could be sexy or funny or as silent as the man Jake left hours ago. Or I could be wrong about everything, and stunned when I open the door to greet someone else.