“Would it help if we do the pros and cons again?”
“Pro: Ethan has been in town more often, and I think maybe he’s trying. He’s taken me out a couple of times, and he might say yes if I invite him. Con: Even when we go out, I don’t feel the way I do when I’m with all of you.”
“How do you feel with us?”
Riley’s pale blue eyes meet mine for an important second and then shift away again. “Like I can breathe without it hurting.”
I nod and move to grab another coaster, clicking my pen too many times before I start writing.
Riley, you deserve to breathe without pain every single day, whether we’re with you or not. And no matter what anyone tries to do for you, if it still hurts, it's okay to want better.
When I press the coaster into their palm, I hold it there, testing limits in a way that would have Beau thumping the back of my head. But Riley doesn’t flinch, and I’m not all that surprised when they make eye contact again as I speak.
“I’m not gonna have a date, and Jake won’t have a date, and maybe Noah will bring some pretty girl to a queer photo gallery, but that barely counts. Mason will have a date or several, but I’m not sure that counts either. You get to do what’s right foryou, and I swear I'll try not to say shit if you bring Ethan. And if you come alone, I hope each breath you take feels fucking perfect.”
I walk away then, and at some point during my conversation with Riley, Jake and Noah had huddled over the final round's pictures in time for Jake to be the unofficial winner. Probably. God knows I’ve been all over the place tonight. But they’re justfinishing up as the host counts down, and I let Riley clear their drinks, surprised only when Jake asks for one more.
He’s sticking around then. I’m not used to that.
Kinda wish I could sit down and drink with him. I’m not used to that either.
But at least a few more people need me, and I know Zach is already angling for his escape, so I stay where I’m at and take care of business. Trivia night gets wrapped up with a flourish, and I greet the winner with a congratulatory grin when I credit their prize toward their bar tab. Then I wave Zach off before I duck outside again, the reader gone now, and no sign of a mess left in his wake. Mess or not, I need to wipe down the tables, so I turn for the small server station we keep stocked for our busier nights, and I run right into Jake.
He catches me at my hips, his thumbs brushing over my bare skin. “Hey there.”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“For needing to use the restroom?” He smirks, and whether it’s a response to my comment or the choice to touch him back, I’m not sure. “I’d hope not.”
“No, I—wait. There’s a bathroom inside.”
“There sure is, but it’s totally full, and I got impatient.”
“Did you?”
Jake cocks his head. “I did.”
“You're having another beer.”
“Are you concerned about my bladder or the bar inventory?”
I laugh. “Neither, really. But you usually leave once you’vesufficiently kicked my ass at trivia.”
“Impossible to know whether I kicked anything tonight. You were awfully busy.”
It’s a blatant callout regardless of how gently Jake delivered it, and we both know it. We’re probably stupid for standing so close to each other—our hands on each other wholly unnecessary—but the Trailhead cameras are aimed over our heads to catch the picnic tables, and nobody will spot us here unless we end up sprawled across one of them.
Or unless they open the back door, but that threat isn’t enough to make me let go.
“So, is that why you’re having another? In case I slow down?”
Jake studies me for several seconds and I get half hard under his stare, but then he tips his head to the side. “I really do need to use the restroom.”
I take an exaggerated step backward, and once he’s out of sight, I return to my quest for a wet towel. I’m somewhere between one table and another when I hear the bathroom door open and close, but I don’t turn around, proving a point to myself more than anyone else. I double-check for any trash on the ground as I clean, leaving the string lights on just in case anyone wanders out here before I close.
Back inside, I glance at the fifteen or so still drinking, and then I pull my phone from where I’d tucked it behind the bar hours ago and make my way over to Riley and Jake.
“Noah took off?” I ask.