“And then what?” he asks.
“And then I’ll agree with you.”
Darren raises his head, curious and undoubtedly aroused. Ican’t see his shorts from where I sit, but he’s got his eyes on the front of my boxers, and I let him look. This isn’t the time for that though, and we both know it, so he does what he can to clear his throat.
“You’ve got a really good life and you’re happy,” Darren says, his fingers toying with goosebumps I thought I’d left at Trailhead. “After all this time, you don’t need this.”
“I do not.”
“But youwantthis. You’re still letting me touch you.”
“And you’re still biting your tongue.”
I offer him a tired grin as I call him out, and I think I’d stay here and listen to him tiptoe around his point all night if I weren’t ready to fall asleep where I sit. Darren must understand, and he stops touching me long enough to pick up my shorts and hold them close to his chest.
“Do you really want to wear these to bed, or are you okay sleeping in your boxers?”
“The boxers are fine.”
He could let the shorts go again, but he doesn’t, his gaze steady when it finds mine. “I really like touching you, and I want to touch you everywhere.Everywhere. Maybe I’ve known that for a while, or maybe I just figured it out tonight, but I want it to be me. If you’re ever gonna fuck a man, I want it to be me.”
“You know I’m not looking for the love of my life.”
“None of the men who fuck me are.”
I pause at that. The reminder that casual sex is a habit of his. It doesn’t bother me, and I’m not sure it was ever all that far frommy mind. In fact, this is safe preciselybecauseit's a habit of his. I genuinely like him, and he’s exactly as attractive as he thinks he is, and I trust the hands that have taken such good care of me since I tumbled into Trailhead. I also trust that he’ll want nothing beyond whatever we’re starting tonight.
Itismore than that though, and maybe I understand that already. I’m one of many, and very much not, and it has me reaching for him now.
My fingers comb through his thick blond hair and hold him there. “What are we about to do?”
“Anything we want,” Darren says, almost sweet when he covers my hand with his own and pulls it from his head.
He helps me stand then, the moment hushed because it might deserve that, and I mostly fall into his arms, my body done with me a while ago. Both of us exhale, and I don’t think it matters that I’m bigger than he is when I become small and bury my face in the crook of his neck. He’s keeping me upright, but when I feel him shake, I wish he could spend the rest of the night telling me why. Instead, I’m the one to open my mouth against the warmth of his skin.
“I haven’t touched you yet. I want to touch you everywhere, too,” I mumble.
“You can. This isn’t—” Darren cuts himself off and shifts his grip on me, one arm fully around my back and the other low enough for his hand to slip just under the waistband of my boxers. The pressure at my lower back is there to keep me still while he very, very slowly rocks against me. “You wanted me to tell youeverything, and maybe I only sort of did that, so I’m going to be perfectly clear. I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me, and I want us to fuck. But I don’t want all of it to be over in a single night. I want to hear the sounds you make when I suck your cock, and I want to know what you look like when you suck mine. I want to know how many ways I can make you come and what you taste like when you do. I want to learn every filthy fantasy you’ve ever had and then share some of mine. You’re so fucking smart and funny andgood, and I don’t know why we aren’t better friends after all these years, but I want to get to know you. We’re not looking for love, and I wouldn’t know how to find it anyway, but I want this. I want to be your friend. I want us to fuck. And while nothing more than this can happen tonight, some other time, if neither of us wants to stop, we don’t have to.”
I moan pathetically—I know I do—but I can’t remember how to feel embarrassed by anything when I’m pressed to Darren like this. He steers us toward my bed, and I finally look at him again.
“Just friends?”
With his forehead against mine, he hums. “Yeah, and I want that either way. Tonight’s been wild, and if we change our minds about everything else—even if I never hold you again—I still want that.”
“I won't change my mind,” I argue.
“Neither will I,” he smiles. “But tell me again in the morning.”