Jake ignores the fact that Ididn’tactually ask. “Good.”
“What about you? Did you know you wanted me to stay?”
“I didn’t have some secret plan to surprise you with it, but it felt right, so I asked.”
He didn’t ask either, but I return the favor and ignore that detail, too. Jake kisses my forehead and backs up to wash his body, and I take the same opportunity to wash mine, the two of us dancing around each other like we’ve done this a thousand times. We don’t move fast, the sex likely making us more sluggish than the wine now. And we have little to say, but I’m as comfortable as I’ve always been with him nearby, and maybe I didn't give as much of myself away downstairs as I’d thought.
I’m the one to shut the water off when we’re done, and he grabs towels I’ve used more than anyone but him, then we hurry to dry off, his bed practically calling to us. The living room floor, while far better cushioned than any I’ve fucked on, is still a floor, and both of us crawl under the sheet and sigh with relief.
“So,” Jake starts, tugging me closer until my head is on hischest and he can comb his fingers through my damp hair. “We’re having a pool party tomorrow.”
“We’re having a pool party tomorrow. And you have to go into work?”
“For a little while.”
“I sleep late,” I say. “You might be gone before I wake up.”
“You’re not going to wake up alone, Darren. Not tomorrow.”
I hate how easily he reads me, but I don’t know how to let myself be left behind when a lifetime without a father—and a few years with a husband who never would’ve said goodbye—taught me I should always be the one to go. Jake kisses the top of my head and pulls the sheet up to my bare shoulders, but he makes no attempt to roll away from me. I trail my fingers up and down his ribcage as our breathing syncs, and I know we’re both so close to falling asleep, but my mouth opens one more time.
“I’m sorry she won’t be there.”
Jake’s quiet for a minute, and I think maybe I didn’t catch him in time, but then he presses another kiss to my head. “So am I, sweetheart. So am I.”
He’s snoring softly before I swallow around the lump in my throat, but it’s impossible to do anything but relax when I’m being held like this, so I close my eyes and let myself rest. If I’d been worried that I’d have any bad dreams, that proves impossible too, my brain falling as deeply as the rest of me already has.
We move some, and while I’m mostly asleep, I barely register that I’ve pushed the sheet toward my waist. I wonder how long it’ll be before Jake complains that I sleep hot. Then again, I’mnot sure he’d complain about anything like it, and I’m not sure whether that has anything to do with me.
After a while, I end up on my side with Jake curled around my back, his hand splayed over my hip. When I force my eyes open, I’m surprised that we’ve been sleeping for less than an hour. I’m careful not to wake him when I cover his hand with my own, but then I feel his mouth warm at my neck.
And his dick hard against my ass.
“You awake, little spoon?” he asks, his voice gravelly. Sinfully so.
“Probably,” I smile, letting him hear it in the dark. “But shouldn’tyoube asleep, old man?”
“Do you want me to go back to sleep?”
“No.”
Jake kisses my shoulder and takes a deep, deep breath. “I’m tired, but I think I want this too much.”
“Want what?”
“To be bare inside you, too.”
He doesn’t wait for an answer, and I’m grateful because most of what I’d have to say aren’t things he needs to hear. I push the rest of the sheet away and listen as he retrieves the lube and covers his cock with it, feeling him only when his wet fingers smear some of it over my hole. Jake doesn’t prep me any more than that, and I love that my body’s been his long enough for him to know how to treat it right, more than ready when he fills me with one perfect thrust.
His hand is dry now, and when it returns to my hip, I grab itand pull until his arm is around me and his palm is flat against my chest. I have nothing holy inked there, but maybe something about my heartbeat will bring him peace. Jake fucks me slowly, and I would’ve expected nothing else from him—not tonight—and I twist until I can kiss him for it, our tongues lazily needy. When I turn away again, he keeps his lips against my skin and rocks into me almost silently.
Almost endlessly.
As much as whatever happened between us downstairs felt I was being cracked open, this seems like we both are. Each new second spills secrets we can’t see, and even when Jake’s hand slides down my body to stroke my cock and massage my balls and stroke my cock again, it’s the tender kind of torture that might make both of us talk. I’m close to rolling onto my stomach and begging him to fuck me harder and faster than he ever has, but I wantthis, and I’m beginning to think there’s a reason he wants ittoo, even if it makes his voice break.
“October.”
A kiss to my temple fills some of the emptiness left behind by a word that means too much. I reach back for him—clinging to him—as if it’s not painfully easy to believe he won’t give up on me now. Then he makes a desperate little sound, and I don’t know if it’s the right time to keep this conversation going, but I respond to him anyway.