“And I still love you more.”
It’s official: I’m suburban.
I gaze around the large living room with its big comfy sofas, the huge over the top flatscreen tv on the wall, and I imagine it when it’s full of my family. The thought makes me smile, broadening even more when Finn walks up to me and cups my jaw and kisses me softly.
“Are you ready?
Now, there’s the million-dollar question. The only answer is yes. I nod and kiss him back. “As much as I’ll ever be.”
That’s not true; I’m very excited. After all the courses we’ve taken, there’s no way not to be prepared. Pops has been a massive help and font of knowledge. This isn’t quite the rescue mission that my brothers and I had when we found Dad and Pops. But the trauma is still there.
“I’m sure the bloody clock has stopped,” I grumble to Finn as he leans against the back of one of the sofas. He smiles softly and shakes his head at me. “We can’t all be the calm and collected one,” I snark at him.
Before he can say anything, a car pulls up outside the house, and my stomach drops. This is it. We’ve met Saxon a fewtimes; he’s been to the house and has had one overnight stay. He’s a smart kid who has been left to grow up without much help or supervision. I never thought I was neglected, but who was caring for me when Mum was stoned, or when I had no clean clothes or decent food. I always thought that all that happened was being abandoned. The classes we took brought a lot of home truths crashing down on me. So much so, that I finally sought out a therapist.
Saxon moving into our area means he will be going to a new school; the bullying he was subjected to makes it impossible for him to go back. Not that he would ever choose to step foot there again.
Finn opens the front door as Saxon gets out of the car. Amanda, his social worker, gets out and stands next to him, one hand on his shoulder. The kid is so thin, borderline starved. His clothes hang off him, and his skin is so pale, it’s almost translucent. I can’t wait to feed him up.
“Hey, Saxon, it’s good to see you again. Ready to settle in?” I’m surprised when he hugs me; I can feel his small frame trembling. “You’re okay. You’re in the right place now. You’re safe and loved.”
He leans back to look at me. “It’s really good to be here. Thank you, Drake. You and Finn are both so cool.”
“Finn? Cool? No way, he’s far too boring to be cool,” I laugh as Finn steps up to me and nudges his shoulder into mine.
“Come on, let’s go inside. We can get your bag up to your room. You can unpack when you’re ready. It’s going to be a lazy day here. We can order food in tonight, if you like.” Saxon picks up the holdall of all his worldly possessions. He’d dropped it between us when we hugged.
Amanda only stays for a little while; she’ll be coming in and out for a month and then only if we or Saxon need her.
Saxon goes upstairs as soon as she’s gone. It wasn’t in a sulky door-slamming way; I think he’s excited to be in his own space. He hasn’t ever been in a safe home. The one he was removed from, his supposed family home, is so far from the truth; a cell is more appropriate.
I’m disjointed. I want to go and see if he’s okay or needs any help, but Finn is saying to leave him. Well, no. Fuck that shit. I remember when I was first shown my room and all it had in it, I was overwhelmed; I couldn’t believe I had a bathroom to myself, hot showers whenever I wanted.
Finn follows me up the stairs. I know he doesn’t understand the importance of knowing you’re safe; he’s had a loving family and privileged life. He’s not spoiled or snobbish, in fact, he’s one of the kindest, most generous men I’ve met. Having a fabulous dick and wicked skills with a flogger also helps, but I don’t think Saxon needs to know about that side of our lives, not at twelve years old anyway.
His door is open, but I knock anyway. There’s no answer. “Saxon, are you okay?”
“Can we come in?” Finn asks, looking worried.
All I hear is a sniffle and the quietest, “Yes.”
We find Saxon on the floor in the corner opposite his bed. “Hey, Saxon, buddy. What’s going on? Is there something wrong with the room? We can change things if you don’t like it.” He’d said he likes Anime art, so we’d decorated with them, not too much, but it looked good. Noah had drawn Saxon in the same style from a photo we’d shown him and it’s now in a frame above the bed.
“Why are you giving me all this? I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had this.” He waves his arm around the room, making me wonder which of the pieces in here are new to him. Then I remembered Amanda’s run down on Saxon when we’d expressed an interest in fostering him.
“His room was empty, bar a few blankets.” I shuddered at the statement.
“This is what you should have always had.” I slide down the wall to sit next to him. “I was the same as you. I grew up in squats, very rarely staying in one place for long. I was lucky if I got a mattress, and I had very few belongings because we couldn’t carry too much.
He looks at me, his red-rimmed eyes wide at my admission. “What happened to you?”
I shake my head at the memory. “I got back to the house we were staying, and everyone had left, including my mum. I haven’t seen her since I was thirteen. I went to live with Kip and Robin—you’ll meet them soon—and they became my parents.”
“Shall we show you what you’ve got in here?” Finn asks. I can hear the strain in his voice. Hopefully, Saxon won’t. I think Finn’s about to have a breakdown at the injustice of life. How just by being born, you might never have a chance to thrive.
Saxon looks at me. I nod and get back on my feet, holding my hand out for him to take. We don’t overwhelm him with the Xbox console or the laptop, iPad, and other things kids like. Instead, we let him look through the wardrobe at the clothes we’d bought, not many but enough to tide him over until we can all go shopping. We point out Noah’s artwork, and Saxon cries a little bit again.
“He doesn’t even know me.” He sniffles.