“What’s going on?” Caleb asks.
“Just wait.”
A few more seconds go by, then Silas yells into the mic, “It’s that time of the night, beautiful people! You ready, Colchester?” Like the push of a button, the audience erupts into loud cheers, some yelling, “I love you, Silas!” or “Play my song!” Silas laughs, then removes his trademark black bowler hat from his head, blond curls tumbling all over the place. I hold my breath, my heart in my throat, as Silas digs his hand into the hat, a broad smile on his freckled face. “Oh no,” he pouts. “Did we forget to put one in there?” Then he winks at Jonah. “Nah, I’m just kidding. Just kidding, people!” The crowd goes crazy, and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I know my name isn’t in the hat because I didn’t know they were playing until a few hours ago. It’sThe Emberline’stradition. A few weeks before a concert, people can send them requests on theirInstagramor website, and then they’ll pick a song and play it on the night in question. It’s always the last song of the night, and they always mention the name of the fan who requested the song.
Silas nods at Alex, and he starts tapping his drums at a rapid pace that increases and increases in speed and volume. Silas pulls out a small white note, and Alex slows down into a soft, low thrum.
“Ahhh, this is a good one.” Silas smirks, and everyone laughs. “Well, obviously it’s good, because yours truly fucking wrote it.”
Jonah shakes his head at his boyfriend, then leans into his mic and coughs, “Conceited much?” They’re so fucking adorable.
“Shut up.” Silas scowls at Jonah before his gaze dips back to the small white piece of paper in his hand. The venue is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. “This song is for Kayden.” Like a giant wave of sound, people start cheering, screaming my name, and I think my heart stops. There’s probably another guy with the same name as me; there has to be. It’s not a rare name at all. But then Silas continues, “Awww, this is so fucking sweet, you guys! This song is for Kayden from his boyfriend,Caleb.”
Caleb’s heart beats against my back, his breath suddenly fast and heavy against my cheek. I turn my head and look up at him, only to find him already looking at me, always looking at me, always seeing me.
“You did that?” I whisper, and he just nods, then says like it’s nothing, “Thought it’d make your night.”
“My night?” A laugh of disbelief bursts from my lips as the first notes ofRun Wild, Run Homewash over me. “How about my fucking life?” I say, overwhelmed by how much I love this man, who continues to look at me like I’m his fucking life, and maybe I am. I mean, why wouldn’t I be? He’s mine after all.
“Just wanted to make sure they play your song, baby.”
“I love you. So fucking much.”
“Love you too. Now don’t miss your song.” Caleb nods at the stage, and I turn too, just when Silas starts the first verse, the words imprinted onto my soul forever.
“They called you by a borrowed name, stitched it in your coat. You wore it thin through winter years, quiet in your throat.”
I move my lips to the words, pride soaring in my chest. This is me. This song is mine just as much as it is Silas’ and every other trans person’s in this room tonight. Caleb rests his chin on top of my head, tightening his hold on me.
“You carved your name in ancient wood, watched it drift downstream. Every step felt closer to the shape you’d seen in dreams.”
The music shifts, the violin chasing the guitar as the song moves into the chorus, Silas’ voice breaking on the first syllable, then lifting into a thundering call. Something unlocks deep inside me, some long forgotten memory of Dad carving my name, myrealname, into a tree in the woods a few miles from our house.Kayden.
“Run wild, my child, shed your second skin, let your old voice fall. Run fierce into the roaring waves, answer your true call.”
I twine my fingers through Caleb’s, and he squeezes them, then brushes his thumb along my knuckles. My past, my present, and my future come together in one magical moment. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. I’m who I was always supposed to be. I’m Kayden. I’m a man, loved by another man.
Silas pulls the mic from the stand and moves toward the edge of the stage. There’s a small interlude in the song, as Ren plays a violin solo. Silas points toward the audience, and people wave their arms back at him. Before I know it, Caleb pries the drink from my hand, mumbling, “Do it, baby.” I lift my arms, holding them as high as I can reach, and wave back at Silas.
“This is for you, Kayden!” Silas shouts, and the rest of the band pick up the beat as he continues singing.
“The road is long, but it leads you home—run wild. Run home. Run wild, speak your only truth.”
I realize I do. I speak my truth now, every day, living as a trans man, living my life to the fullest. The road was long, and there were times when I couldn’t see the end of it, but it has led me home finally.
“You happy, baby?” Caleb whispers hours later, in the darkness of our bedroom, Silas’ words still ringing in my ears, the rhythm of the music still pulsing in my veins like a soft echo.
“So happy,” I murmur against his chest, drawing circles on his skin. “Never been happier.”
“Me neither.” His chest is so warm and solid, a hint of wonder in his voice like he still can’t believe it either, that in a world filled with people, he and I found each other.
“Do you think he meant it?” My voice is all raspy, my throat raw and sore from singing and screaming all night.
“Who?”
“Silas.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he did. Silas Reed doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who doesn’t mean what he says.”