‘He must’ve felt so alone, Caleb. All this fucking time. So alone. My kid.’
I remember telling Sal that Kayden would never be alone, not as long as he and Vivian were there. Not as long as I was. I promised Sal that day that I’d always be there for Kayden, too, just like I’d promised my best friend the day Kayden was born. Always.
It’s humbling, sitting across from a man who loves someone that I love so much, too. It creates a permanent bond. Whether we want to or not, Sal and I are tied together for life by our mutual love for Kayden.
“You’re a good man, Sal. A good father. You always have been.”
Sal shrugs but doesn’t say anything, just keeps wringing his hands.
“And that’s why Kayden has become the amazing man he is. It’s all thanks to you and Viv. You made Kayden the way he is by loving him unconditionally. By sticking by him and making sure he knows his worth and that he’s loved.”
Sal looks up at me, tears clinging to his lashes, his jaw clenching. I inhale deeply, then tell him what I told him yesterday, hoping he’ll hear the truth in my voice this time. “I love him, Sal. I love Kayden. So help me God, I do. It won’t go away. If you force me to choose, Sal, then I’m gonna choose him. I choose Kayden.” My voice breaks, but I have to get the next part off my chest, too. “So cut me out of your life, out of the business, if that’s what you want, but if he still wants me, I’m all his.”
Sal’s eyes soften just a tad, then he wipes his hand across his stubbled jaw. “Why him?” His voice is hoarse, but no longer angry.
“I… I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It just… it just happened.” It’s probably the biggest cliché in the world, but it’s true. Sometimes love just happens. Sure, Kayden is beautiful, and I’m insanely attracted to him, but it’s more than just that. For the first time in my life, I’m no longer in a hurry to be somewhere else. I’m not looking for a way out or for the next fling. I’m just happy and content and at peace with the world and myself. How can I even begin to explain that to Sal when I don’t even understand it myself? Where do I even begin?
“When?” Sal’s voice shakes, and I know what he’s asking. As much as I hate it, I think maybe I’d be asking that too, if it were my kid. It’s any parent’s worst fear, I guess.
“Shortly after he came back home.” Sal eyes me like he’s trying to look straight into my very soul. “I swear to you, Sal, on everything I hold dear,on my parents, that I never laid a hand on him before that. Not fucking ever.” I think Sal can tell I’m telling the truth because his face relaxes. “I’d never do that.” Sal nods, and some of the tension vanishes from the space between us.
“Please tell me where he is, Sal. Tell me where he is so I can go get him and bring him home. To us. Where he belongs.” I dig my fingers into my palms, trying to redirect the pain away from my heart, but it’s fruitless.
A wide range of emotions flash across Sal’s face, and once again, silence stretches out between my best friend and me. As much as Sal and I have bickered over the years, we’ve never gone more than a day without speaking, always settling any disputes between us before they could fester and turn into something more. Neither of us really has a temper, or at least I didn’t think so. I guess when something matters, the way Kayden matters to both of us, it’s different. It’s raw and emotional, and something that has caused a rift between us. I have no idea what this means to our friendship, to our business, but as much as a future without Sal scares me, a future without Kayden terrifies me even more. It steals the air right out of my lungs.
Sal reaches for the remote and glares at it. Then he mumbles something.
“What?”
“I said useless domestic crap. I should’ve listened to you and gotten the South Korean brand.”
I shrug, chuckling. “Well, you almost never listen to me.”
The corner of Sal’s mouth twitches, then he tilts his chin and counters. “You never listen to me either. That electric panel at work blows a goddamn fuse every time someone uses the microwave.”
I bite back a smile. “I guess we’re both stubborn motherfuckers.”
Sal grunts, but I don’t miss the fondness pooling in his eyes. “I guess we are.” He hesitates. “That’s why we’re friends. No one else can put up with your sorry ass like I can.”
My mind zeroes in on that small word that carries no real meaning on its own, but is making a world of difference to me right now. Because it’s invoking hope in my chest, frail and careful, but hope nonetheless.
“Are?”
“What?”
“You said ‘are’. As in, wearestillfriends.”
Sal throws the remote back on the coffee table, then wipes his hands across his face, groaning into them. I can’t help smiling because I can tell there’s a war going on inside him, just like there was that time backin high school when he was trying to confess his crush on Vivian to me. Back when I was still dating her.
Removing his hands, Sal stares directly at me, his voice steady as a beat. “If you hurt him, I will end you. I mean it, Caleb, as God is my witness. If you hurt him, I will end you with my own hands.” His fists clench for good measure.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less. But I won’t hurt him, Sal.”
“Swear it. Fucking swear that to me, Caleb.”
“I swear it. I’ll always do right by him. You have my word.”
“Because you love him?” Sal looks so vulnerable in that moment, like it’s finally dawning on him that Idolove Kayden, just differently than before.