She licks her lips. “H-How good are you at trusting yourself?”
Her question is like a tennis ball launcher to the head. “Huh?”
She’s not looking at me, but at the ground directly beneath her.
“Do you trust yourself? Your instincts? Your judgment?”
I blink. “Yeah. Mostly.”
Her gaze shifts, landing on mine. “Mostly?”
Holding her stare, I nod, slowly. “Yeah. It’s not always right, of course. I make mistakes. Everyone does.”
Standing rigid, her grip tight on the rope in front of her, Greta keeps her eyes on me. “When was the last time you made a mistake?’’
Shit.
I can’t tell her that.
Because the last time I made a mistake was sleeping in her bed. I know it was a mistake because A) I can’t stop thinking about lying next to her all night, letting our hands touch as we petted Russell, and B) Because a few days after that, she started acting weird and distant. Like I had ruined something with that breach of boundaries.
“You sure now is the right time for deep conversation, Greta?”
She swallows again. “Yeah. I think I need to hear it.”
I inhale and exhale, buying myself time. “I made a mistake recently… with someone I care about.”
Surprise washes her features.“Really?”She sounds stunned. “Who?”
Fuck me. Now what?
I shake my head. “That’s not important.”
She winces. “You’re right. I shouldn’t pry. We have such little privacy as it is. Sorry—”
“Don’t apologize.” I want to groan. “You ready to keep crossing now?”
“No.” The answer comes out tiny and afraid.
“Why not?”
Greta presses her lips together. “I’m trying to figure out how to trust myself.” She blinks a few times, and I wonder if she’s fighting tears. “But I don’t think I can move. It feels like if I take another step, I’ll fall.”
“If you fall, I’m here,” I say, my heart climbing into my throat. Maybe it’s trying to get closer to her. To reassure her.
Or to reassure me. I can’t tell.
“I know, but I don’twantto fall. I want to do this perfectly.”
I can’t help my grin. “What if fallingisdoing this perfectly?”
Because if she fell, I’d catch her.
She snorts. “You wouldn’t say that if you were the one up here trying this out for the first time.”
Is she right? She might be right. But the more I think about it, the more I want to embrace the uncertainty.
“I don’t know… I made this as a challenge. Why shouldn’t it be a challenge to us? Just because we’re the experts? Wouldn’t that get boring if we never felt like we were taking a risk?”