The words stun us both. I don’t think I’ve ever said them to her. To anyone, really. Her face morphs from shock to outrage.
“What the hell is wrong with you? I don’t even recognize you.”
My anger, now a rolling boil, threatens to froth over. “Because you don’t know me.”
I want to rail about how my whole family has seen me as a helpless child. How insulting that is, and how invisible it makes me feel. But before I can draw breath to deliver this invective, Gemini gives one sharp, insistent bark.
And then I hear them. Aaron’s cries.
The last thing I want is for Janine to return home, finding me in the street yelling at my sister while her infant son cries in the house alone. Without another word to Tori, I turn and run back inside.
“You’ve been moping around here for a over week.” Janine pats Aaron’s back, burping him, as he’s perched over her shoulder. “At first I thought it was just the adjustment to this little guy’s night shift, but now I’m worried about you.” Judging from her face, she’s telling the truth.
Drew won’t see me.
After Janine got home from her hair appointment last week, I went straight to his apartment. It had been too late to head to the DMV, so I planned to offer to take him any day he was free.
But he wouldn’t even open the door.
I could see him in there through the blinds. He sat at his little kitchen table with his back to the door, unmoving. I called his name, and when it was clear he had to have heard me, known it was me, the humiliation burned me inside and out.
I went back the next day to see if he’d calmed down, but the blinds were drawn, and I could make out nothing of the inside. I went down to Mrs. Vivian’s kitchen door to see if he was with her and, if nothing else, to find out if he was home. But when she came to the door, it was clear I’d woken her. The angry flush of blisters covering the left side of her neck and her cheek made guilt swirl in my stomach.
I haven’t gone back.
But I miss him. I miss him, and I want to heal whatever damage Tori did to him. Whatever damage anyone has ever done to him.
And short of setting up camp at the foot of his apartment stairs, I don’t know how to make him listen to me.
“Is it because of things with your family?” Janine asks, but before I can answer, Aaron roars a lusty belch that startles us both and sets us laughing.
I use the moment to dodge her question. “Is he eating more? I swear, he’s grown since I moved in.”
Janine nods. “I think he’s going through a growth spurt, but don’t change the subject.”
I wince. “That obvious?”
She gives me a knowing smile.
“I talked to my mom last night. She wants to come in toclear the air,”I say with a shrug. “She seems to think I’ll move back if she just explains their reasoning one more time.”
Janine studies me with scrutiny. “And that bothers you?”
She’s going to be a really good therapist one day. She can see right through my avoidance tactics. I shake my head. “It doesn’t bother me, but it’s unnecessary. I mean, she and my dad will be back in December. No need to come now,” I say this with conviction. “Especially since it’ll change nothing.”
And that’s true. I told Mom as much. So far, my arrangements with the Mayfields is going pretty well. It doesn’t feel like home yet, but I’ve lost that sense that I’m an interloper. I’m not exactly sure what I am — something between a friend and live-in domestic help — but things are going smoothly.
I can tell what we’re doing is benefiting everyone. James and Janine are getting more rest, and they seem happy about that. Aaron has three people to take care of him. And I have a place to stay, a little more money in my pocket, and no rush to figure out what comes next.
And I think we are all doing whatever we can to give each other privacy. When James is home in the evenings, I still stay in my room so he and Janine feel like they have the place to themselves. They’ve invited me to join them to watch TV. Sometimes I accept, but more often than not, I’ll watch something on YouTube in my room or take Gem for a walk.
And, yes, when I do that, we walk past Drew’s house. It’s a little pathetic and juvenile, but I can’t stop thinking about him.
Janine settles Aaron back in her arms to give him the rest of his bottle, but she doesn’t take her eyes off me. At last, she shakes her head.
“There’s something else.”
I give her an arch look. “Are you sure psychology is the right field for you? What about interrogation? Surely, the CIA has need of your talents.”