I shoved that feeling aside and checked my watch. It wasn’t quite time to head back to the store, but I needed some air. I’d only eaten half my sandwich and a few of Mama’s kettle chips, which now felt like a box of rocks in my stomach.
“Here, let me pack that up for you.” She whisked the remnants of my lunch into a Styrofoam clamshell.
“Thanks, Mama.” I took the box from her and walked over to the register. “What do I owe you?”
“You don’t get to pay.” She scowled and fanned her hands at me.
I mirrored her expression.“Youcan’t buy me lunch every time I come in.”
Mama smacked her hands on the bartop with mock drama. “I can afford to feed my only child,” she snapped. “Besides, I lost one battle today with Cole and Ava. I’m not losing this one.”
I blinked. “What?”
She shook her head in disapproval. “That Cole insisted on paying.” She rolled her eyes. “And then he gave me aridiculoustip. Who tips a hundred dollars for a breakfast sandwich?”
My eyes bugged. “He tipped you a hundred dollars?”
“He did.” Mama crossed her arms over her chest. “So, don’t you dare think you’re paying today. No, ma’am.”
I couldn’t help but grin at her stubbornness. “So, what are you going to do with it?” At my question, Mama’s scowl cracked just a little.
“I… I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Yes, you have,” I teased.
She gave me an embarrassed smile. “Well, I could always go to SAS for another pair of orthopedics—”
“You will not,” I ordered. “That’s far too sensible. You need to do something fun with that tip.”
Her eyes snapped to mine with startled annoyance. “That’s exactly what Cole told me to do.”
Again, heat rose to my cheeks. I didn’t want to, but I knew I’d be thinking about Cole giving Mama a windfall tip and telling her to spend it on something fun. Because that was just what he would have done back then. Which meant the person he’d become since that night maybe wasn’t so different from the young man I’d known.
And that was a very dangerous thought. On the scale that balanced the ideal man with the actual one, the side carrying Cole Whitehurst, flesh and blood, tipped down a measure. I had to pull up an image of his expressionless eyes from the other night to lift it back up again. My ideal man would never give me that blank, emotionless stare.
“Okay, Mama, you win this time,” I said, feeling the growing need to flee to the safety of my car.
“Yes, I do,” she gloated. “Will you and Bertie come for dinner Sunday? I’ll make a pork roast.”
I raised onto my tiptoes to reach Mama over the bar, and she leaned in to accept my kiss on her cheek. “We’ll be there.”
Then her eyes sparkled. “I could invite Cole and Ava!”
“Oh, Mama, no.” I spoke before I could think better of it. And Mama’s frown told me I’d said the wrong thing.
“Well, why not? Don’t you want to see them.”
Oh, crap.
“Yes, I mean, of course, but…” What could I say now?“Oh, Mama, you remember that night we witnessed a murder-suicide? Yeah, well, right before that, Cole Whitehurst and I were dry humping in the back yard. And seeing how that night ruined Cole’s life, I don’t think he wants to watch me eat pork roast.”
Yeah, no. I couldn’t go there.
Mama cocked an impatient brow my way. “Butwhat,Elise?”
Stall. That was the only clear path I could see. “I just think… m-maybe, well… maybe the first time we get together, it should be just us, you know?” I stammered, saying the words as they came to me. “I mean, they’ve been through so much. Even recently, by the sound of it. Maybe it should be a time when it’s just the four of us. But Bertie’s already coming Sunday.”
Mama’s mouth bunched in concern. She nodded once. “You’re probably right. I wouldn’t want to put too much pressure on Ava. She’s fragile right now.”