I frowned. She went to summer school every year? How had I not noticed? Ava and I were at camp three weeks out of the summer, but still.
“Are you getting any help at school? Do you go to the resource lab?”
Elise crossed her arms over her chest and cocked a hip, eyeing me like I was the dumbest person alive. “Uh, no, and I also don’t walk around with a sign that saysPlease call me a retard.” Her face was a mask of bitterness, but I sensed pain beneath it. “Do you know how everybody treats the kids who go to resource?”
My brows climbed at her words, and I had to draw my lips in to keep from grinning at her sharp tone. “What about a tutor? After school?” I asked after I had my face under control.
She nodded sarcastically, squinting as she did. “Yeah, because Mama can afford a tutor on her domestic-help salary.”
Ouch.
A mix of guilt and embarrassment flushed through me. I had no idea what my parents paid Flora, but I hoped it was a fair wage. Even if it was, though, I knew tutors could run anywhere between thirty and sixty dollars an hour. And even if Elise only used someone a couple of times a week, I doubted Flora had two hundred and fifty bucks a month to pay a tutor. It was unthinking to even suggest one.
But what I said next was worse.
“Maybe you could get someone to help you for free.” I regretted the words as soon as I spoke them.
Elise cocked a brow at me. “Oh, are you offering?” Her tone was still snide, but the look in her eyes had changed. They were still bitter, but now they looked…vulnerable.
I swallowed a wave of unease. I knew without a doubt I was capable of helping her. Finding the time might be a challenge, given my practice schedule and my own workload. But even I had twenty or thirty minutes a day to sit at the kitchen table and help a seventh grader with her homework.
And she needed my help. She needed someone’s help. I had no idea why she’d spent her summer vacations in credit-recovery courses or why she’d failed seventh grade, but I knew Elise Cormier was smart enough to pass middle school. Clearly, the Lafayette Parish school system had failed her somewhere along the way.
But even though I was capable of helping her, even though I’d suggested the idea of a tutor, and, quite frankly, even though I knew I owed Elise more than a few favors for her rescue missions over the years, I could not help her.
Helping someone meant caring. Giving a shit. Investing in them. And for the same reason I only had two friends and no girlfriend, I had no room in my life for caring. Even if I wanted to help Elise — and I realized as I stood in her bedroom that I did want to help her — keeping Mom and Ava safe had to be my number-one priority. Caring, worrying, and looking out for them was all I could manage.
I treasured Bree and Louis, but they had each other. They really didn’t need me. Sure, I knew they liked having me around. I knew they cared about me. But they demanded nothing in return. I didn’t have to worry about their safety or their wellbeing. I could just enjoy their company.
Elise Cormier needed to be someone else’s community-service project. I heard the glug and rush of plumbing as Elise’s tub began to drain, and I knew who that someone could be. I stared at Elise’s face, which had suddenly filled with an open and desperate hope that made me feel slightly sick.
“I, uh,” I began, still suffering a twist of guilt even as I offered my solution, “I have a lot going on. I can’t help you, but I bet Ava can.”
Elise’s face hardened at once, her vulnerable look of hope gone in a flash. In that moment, I was pretty sure she hated my guts.
That’s okay,I told myself.That’s perfect, in fact.
“Ava,” she said flatly.
I nodded, feigning enthusiasm. “Yeah, she’s a good student. All As,” I vouched. It was true. As poor as Ava’s judgement was on the weekends, during the week, she was focused and studious. And competitive to a fault. “And after tonight, I’d say she owes you.”
Elise continued staring at me, stone-faced. “Ava completely ignores me.”
“No, she doesn’t—”
“She does, and so do you.” Elise pinned me with her gaze. She wasn’t hesitant or timid. She was merciless.
And she was right.
How could we not ignore her?
Elise knew our secret. We spent our entire lives trying to hide our ugly truth from the rest of the world. But we couldn’t hide it from her. Sometimes, Elise would sit at the kitchen table and do her homework while Flora made our dinner. I wanted to cringe every time I walked in after school for a snack and found her all-seeing amber eyes staring back at me.
She’d cleaned up my blood, for Christ’s sake. How could I face her? Make idle conversation? I didn’t have to talk to Ava to know she felt the same. It was easier to pretend Elise didn’t exist.
Pretending to be a snob is the easiest thing in the world.
As I took in Elise’s relentless stare, I wondered if every snob I knew was also pretending.