“I will.”
We ended the conversation there with Hen heading back out leaving me to drown in my thoughts. I was tired of being in my head, but I was sure that was where I would be for quite some time.
Yani
“Ithought you told him about this appointment. We’re done and he still hasn’t shown.”
“I’m not even going to sweat it, Winnie. I did my part and that’s that. It’s been a month since we’ve spoken outside of business, and I don’t know if it’s because of him not genuinely wanting anything to do with us or what. I won’t stress over another man though. These girls aren’t going to wait on their parents to get it right.”
“I’m so happy for you friend. You’ve wanted a daughter for so long and now you have two. God has his hands on you right now.”
“I’m glad he does. I’ve been able to wake up with less regret and more joy in my heart. I really needed to get out of every entanglement and focus on me before trying to give someone else my damn time. A big accomplishment is me being over Trust. We coparent and surprisingly, Xara has dropped the bullshit. She’s not welcome in my house or anything like that but we’re cordial for the kid’s sake.”
To say that I had matured was an understatement. Time was literally healing everything. Trust was a heartbreaker for me, but for Xara, he’d changed. He did what he could, and I couldn’tfront on who he wanted to play by the rules for. I had moved on and was in a better space with him. I had no plans of altering what we had in motion.
He also did me a big favor. He finally explained to Brendon what Paxton was to me and made him promises he swore to keep this go round. Brendon wasn’t trying to hear it at first but when he understood his parents were no longer one, Paxton soon became a favorite of his. He asked about him often and now I felt like Paxton owed him.
“Well, off him and on to you. I’m excited for this launch party. Buy a Heart and 50 Shades of Melanin for the win with black love. I can’t wait to see how it was accepted by the beta testers.”
“Girl, I’m so nervous about that because I redid those questions several times. Hopefully, it works out.”
“It will. I have some time to grab some food. You want to get some tacos?”
“Talking about food makes me cum.”
“Eww bitch. I didn’t need to know that. Let’s just go.”
I chuckled as Winnie and I gathered our belongings to head to this taco joint around the corner from her office. The happiness I felt for food nowadays had grown. I found myself in emotional states behind it.
Being with Winnie helped me as well. She had been the most caring one during my whole pregnancy. While Calina had a relationship she was investing more time in, Dawn just wasn’t speaking to me. She really felt like I caused her a relationship with Josiaha to end. I wasn’t going to kiss her ass or apologize repeatedly. If she wanted to lose a friendship behind a man, so be it. I wasn’t stressing anything anymore.
We walked out of her office sharing a genuine laugh. The day was pretty with the sun shining bright. I didn’t have a care in theworld as I prepared myself to indulge in a few rounds of tacos. My appetite had increased severely.
Winnie drove and we were pulling up to our destination ten minutes later. The smell had me ready to let loose. Food was my everything right now. Stepping out, we made our way inside and quickly ordered before the server was able to walk away. We knew what we wanted because we visited every week.
“How you been feeling friend? Emotionally, physically, mentally, all that?”
“I am battling with my feelings for Paxton still, but other than that I am perfectly fine. I’m focusing on me, but I thought he would’ve been more hands on and wanting to be that overprotective father. I guess I expected too much.”
“My mother said if you don’t expect anything then you won’t be disappointed. You’re taking time so allow him his. I don’t think he’s beefing with you though. Everybody and their mama see’s the love he holds for you anytime he’s around you.”
“Doesn’t feel like he cares anymore to be honest.”
“I get that, but I feel like that’s something you’ve concocted in your head. Paxton is a nice guy. Is it possible that y’all just had bad timing?”
I thought on that throughout the day. We crossed that line of business early on and stayed there instead of retracting and getting back to the initial reason for the conversation. We had many chances to ex out the pleasure, but it seemed more troubling to let go of that than anything.
“Possibly, but I’m a firm believer in what’s for me will be for me. If Paxton and I are meant to be, God will make sure of it.”
Talking about Paxton wasn’t something I wanted to do this afternoon. He had already missed an important appointment and I was low key emotional behind that. Our children were involved, not just me. I thought he would’ve cared more.
“I can tell you’re getting in your bag so let’s change the conversation. I saw that Brendon was advertising wanting to become a gamer. How’s that coming along?”
“Girl he is seven but is so damn smart. He’s redid his room and everything to fit the prosthetics of one. I can’t tell you how much I hate going in there and all I hear is chat this and chat that. I be so confused on who he be talking to.”
Winnie laughed because out of all four of us, I was the only one with children. They spoil Brendon and leave me to deal with the monster afterward. It was aggravating as well as nerve wrecking at times.
“He asked for a new gaming chair the other day, so I bought him one that charges his controller, play music, and all that other mess. It’ll be there sometime this week.”