“Wooow, tell me how you really feel.” I replied smartly, still in shock over how he was handling me.
“Honey, you know I loved the fuck outta. You are supposed to be my wife. When I say you my rib, I mean that. This why this shit fuckin’ with me so bad. All the time we talked about havin’ babies…”
“When we were older, you were out of the streets and I was done with school,” I cut him off and reminded him about what we said when we should have kids.
“That small shit don’t matter, we here now.”
I blew out a deep breath and threw my head back staring at the ceiling. I felt more tears trying to come but I was tired of crying. Once I got my emotions under control I looked back at Mikael’s fiery brown eyes. “I can’t.” I sadly said as defeat settled on his handsome face…
“Zaylee are you okay?” My boyfriend Lamelle asked, shaking my shoulder. It took me a second to come back to reality.
“Ugh, I’m sorry.” I groaned as I took off my glasses. I wiped them clean from the tears that had really been falling.
“I’m sure those tears were over your dad. I can’t imagine losing one of my parents.” Lamelle clueless said thinking my tears were because of my dad passing. He had no idea I was reliving the painful memories of my past. He placed his hand over my hand trying to be reassuring as he drove us into Beaumont City limits.
“Yeah, something like that.” I gave him a small smile.
It was kind of fucked up but I honestly wasn’t that sad over my dad’s passing. It was mind blowing how people liked to pretend a person was a saint once they passed away. My daddy Nate Cooper was a hot ass mess. I don’t know how my mama stayed with him for so long. I guess that was love for you but not the kind of love I wanted. My daddy used to beat and cheat on my mama for sport. I remember I despised my daddy growing up. Half the time he barely acknowledged my existence and when he did, he never had anything nice to say. I waseither Black ass girl or darkie. He acted like I didn’t get my skin complexion from his Black ass. My mama was high yellow as it came, he had to know he was the reason for me being so dark. He also loved teasing me about my thick coarse hair. He never missed a day to tell me no nigga was gonna want my Black ass. When I say I loathe that man I did, if it wasn’t for my mama always being there to build me back up after her tore me down, I probably wouldn’t have any self-confidence. I do think my dad played a part in me being so quiet and shy. I never wanted anyone’s attention on me because of how my dad treated me when I did catch his attention. I figured if I blended into the background everyone would leave me alone.
The main thing I hated about my dad- cause the little words he said to me didn’t mean much once I got older- I hated how he treated my mom. She bent over backwards to please him and make sure he was good. She literally put her dreams on hold to be the wife my dad wanted her to be. Growing up my mom wanted to be a lawyer while my daddy was in the army. The only way they could live together while he lived on base was if they were married. So, when my dad demanded she quit school and become his wife, she did. I hated how weak my mom was for my dad, and I refused to follow in her same footsteps. She never tried to leave my dad, no matter what he did. It didn’t matter how many Black eyes, women he cheated with knocking on our door or the three outside babies he created. My mama stayed with him until his last breath and even then, he treated her like shit. So truthfully, I wasn’t moving back because my dad passed. I was here to support my mom. She was taking his death hard and since I was their only child it was my duty to be there for her.
As well as a job offer, I couldn’t pass up, as the assistant principal at Brightwell elementary school in Beaumont. It seemed moving back home was in the cards for me. What I wasn’t prepared for were the memories I thought I had buriedcoming back at me full force. We drove past Beamont prison on the outskirts of the city and memories of the last time I saw Mikael came back flooding back in full force. That day would forever be embedded in my memory. The life that I had planned was no more and I was forced to find an entirely new path for my life.
Some days I still couldn’t believe my life was what it was today. I did everything I wanted to do, got my degrees, lived the typical college life and I loved every second of it but there was an empty place in my life. The emptiness never went away. I tried so many things to fill the void, but nothing worked. Deep down inside I knew what my problem was, but I refused to acknowledge it. I’d rather pretend I was happy and everything in my life is perfect.
“Are you nervous about being back home?” Lamelle asked me.
“Not really just ready to get settled and unpacked,” I groaned thinking about all the boxes I had to unpack in my new condo.
“I hate that I can’t move with you yet. The summer needs to hurry up.” He chuckled and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyeballs.
Lamelle was nice, he took me on dates, brought me gifts, and showered me in complements. He was easy on the eyes, handsome brown skin, 5’10, honey brown eyes, round clean shaven face, large juicy lips. He had an excellent job, a traveling nurse, no kids, his family were all nice and put together. Lamelle looked amazing on paper, and he made an amazing friend, but when it came to us being together there is something missing. I’d known Lamelle since my junior year of college. We had a Culture and Diversity lecture together and we sat next to each other. After a group project we became friends and it was like that for some years to come. It was strictly platonic between us.Lamelle was so easy to get along with that I found myself telling him everything about myself. He did the same with me and friendship thrived. People swore we were messing around for years but our relationship didn’t get serious until last year.
We’d both dated other people over the years, and it never worked out for either of us. Mainly because our significant others weren't comfortable with how close we were with each other. It was funny to me when the dudes I would date mentioned something about Lamelle because I never looked at him in that light. After my last situation ended, I decided to take a break on dating I was over the niggas out there. That’s when Lamelle dropped the bomb on me about being in love with me. I was shocked to say the least. Lamelle had never acted like he was interested in the five plus years we’d known each other. It took him a few weeks to wear me down and I agreed to let him take me on a date. We didn’t jump into a relationship right away; we’d only been together officially for a year. I hated to drag my feet, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship over a relationship that might not work. Eventually I agreed to be with him and things weren’t bad; they weren’t amazing either. It was just okay. I kept telling myself things would get better as time went on and here, I was still waiting for those better feelings.
“Right,” I unenthusiastically replied looking out the car window. “There’s my parents' house.” I pointed to the big blue house on the corner I grew up in. The driveway was filled with cars and that aggravated me.
I planned to stop by my parent’s house to check on my mom before I went to my condo to start unpacking my house. I prayed the movers didn’t tear any of my stuff up. After this long ass drive, I didn’t have the mental space to deal with my daddy’s side of the family. Just like him, his family wasn’t shit. They were all fucked up, down to his parents. My mama never let me go to any of their houses growing up and I never understoodwhy until I got older. My granny was the type to protect her sons no matter what. My uncle Craig was a known molester, but my granny always blamed everyone but him. My daddy was a woman beater, and my granny always told my mama it was her fault. My granddaddy was a combination of their two kids, but granny acted like he was a saint. Now with my aunts my granny hated them, they were spawn sent from below to seduce her perfect sons and husbands. With all the family trauma none of my cousins were worth a damn either. Having to deal with my daddy’s people was draining as fuck. I prayed they were on their way out. I’m sure they were only around to see what they could get from my mama.
“House full huh?”
I blew out a breath of stifling air. “Unfortunately,” My eyes rolled seeing my cousin Malika coming out the front door. Of course, she was dressed like the nasty ho she was in the tiniest shorts and a belly shirt.
“Whose that?” Lamelle asked with a frown on his face watching my cousin switch down the stairs.
“A ho,” I spat scowling at her. Malika’s thirsty ass was locked in on Lamelle’s BMW. I’m sure she was trying to figure out who was driving.
Just because I wanted to ruin her day, when she made it down the steps, I rolled my window down smiling sinisterly, waving at her and she rolled her eyes scoffing at me.
“You don’t look happy to see me,” I frowned, making the same face as her big forehead ass.
“The fuck Imma be happy to see you for you ain’t shit like the rest of us.” Malika rolled her eyes at me again.
“Aww, I thought you missed me?” I continued to pick with her.
Malika had hated me since we were kids. She went out of her way to try to make my life miserable and for the life of meI never understood why. In school she would make up rumors about me. If she came over, she would break my stuff for no reason. She just hated me because I was breathing. What really sent Malika over the edge was when I got with Mikael. She didn’t understand why he wanted me and not her. Eventually I stopped trying to figure out why and started returning her fucked up energy.
“Bitch, if you choked on a dick and died, I wouldn’t miss you.” She snickered at me as her eyes landed on Lamelle and I could see the dollar signs forming in her eyes.