Matteo was quiet. He put his large hands on the table between them.
Helena thought,Just tell him about your disease now. Get it over with. Tell him, and then he can decide if he wants to stay at the restaurant with you. He can decide if he wants to build a friendship with you. Let him decide!
But instead, she said, “I’ve never eaten here before, but I read really good reviews.”
Together, they scoured the menu, deciding on two seafood dishes that they’d share. Helena ordered herself a glass of alcohol-free wine, and Matteo opted for a large beer, saying, “I need it after today. The wind was howling, and I was a little afraid out there. It was nothing like it was the day I crashed into your dock, but…” He raised his glass. “To you.”
Helena blushed and clinked hers with his. She didn’t know if she had the emotional strength to get through this. She had half a mind to run to the bathroom and call Bethany for emotional support.
For a little while, they talked about simple things. Matteo had had a funny summer of sailing and working online. “Iwanted more freedom in my life, and sometimes I think I gave myself too much freedom. But I’m learning how to balance it.” He laughed. “I can’t believe I live on the mainland, though. The more time I spend in Nantucket, the more I want to move here.”
Helena’s heart pumped. She told him about her summer, how she’d gotten back into painting and had begun to sell her work. “It’s gone better than I ever could have dreamed,” she said, blushing again. She hated bragging, and she hoped he didn’t think she was. “I just want to be grateful for it,” she said.
“It sounds like you’re working really hard,” he said. “It’s earned.”
After dinner, Matteo and Helena walked to a little ice cream place at the edge of the harbor. Matteo explained that he’d discovered it a few weeks ago. “It’s not as touristy as the others. But I guess you already know it? You’re a Nantucketer, after all. I’m just a tourist.”
“I don’t get out much,” Helena said.
Matteo gave her a curious smile.
They ordered cones: mint chocolate for Matteo and peanut caramel for Helena. They sat on a bench along the boardwalk and people-watched in silence for a while. Families and couples scuttled around beneath the moon and stars, listening to the water, to each other. Laughter ricocheted.
Here, Helena told herself to tell him now!
But how could she possibly ruin their beautiful night? She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this way, always seconds from laughter.
“I love your laugh,” Matteo said.
Helena couldn’t remember a single time that Elliott had told her that.
There, under the moonlight, his lips still a little sticky from the ice cream, Matteo kissed Helena. Helena allowed herself todrop into the kiss. She allowed herself, momentarily, to forget about the horror of her normal days, of an unknowable future.
The following day,still buzzing from her date with Matteo, Helena drove to the hospital during visiting hours to see Bethany. When she reached her room, she was grateful to see the door open. Bethany was awake, propped up with pillows, reading a book. She looked grumpy until Helena said her name and pulled her out of whatever she was thinking about.
“It’s you!” Bethany said, smiling. “How are you feeling?”
“I came to see how you were feeling,” Helena said, sitting in the chair beside the bed.
“Bored out of my mind,” Bethany admitted. “Annoyed. But they’re telling me I can go home sooner rather than later, if I play by the rules.” She rolled her eyes. “My husband is about sick of me. He can’t fathom why I can’t sit still. But I’m not used to it.” She stopped for a moment, turning to look out the window. “The baby was not planned, exactly. And sometimes I’m terrified about the life we have ahead of us. I’m forty-five years old. Can I build something new?”
It was Helena’s turn to squeeze Bethany’s hand in a hospital bed. But before she could conjure the right words to say, something to calm Bethany down, Bethany said, “But tell me about you. Did you call Matteo?”
Helena told Bethany about her date, about how hard it had been to tell Matteo the truth. “I feel foolish, but I genuinely don’t know how to tell the truth about this. It’s like, when I’m with him, I can pretend I’m not sick. I can pretend I have this big, artistic, romantic future ahead of me. I never imagined it would happen.”
Bethany said she understood. “You’ve been given a gift,” she said. “Matteo is a gift.”
“I don’t want to throw the gift back into the universe,” Helena said, laughing. Tears filled her eyes.
Bethany looked on the verge of crying, too. It occurred to Helena that Bethany really did look worse for wear, that her color was gray and off, that her cheeks were sunken. More than that, it occurred to Helena that she hadn’t been worried about anyone else’s health in a long time. Everyone around her was going through something. Everyone around her was dealing with their own mortality.
Just then, two women entered the room and stopped short when they saw Bethany’s visitor.
“Hello there,” one of the women said, smiling.
“Hi!” Helena got up, wiping her tears. The women looked remarkably like Bethany, and it was no surprise when they introduced themselves as her sisters, Valerie and Rebecca.
“Helena is new to Nantucket,” Bethany explained. “She was kind enough to visit me during my boring weeks indoors and tell me her exciting stories from the beyond.”