“Yes,” I said, honestly. “I do, but he’s not, and that’s my burden to bear.”
Lani nodded. “You told me how hard it is to be a mother, and I know my own mum struggled with me and Bane for ages before my stepdad came into the picture. You’re doing it alone. That must be so scary.”
“You’re wiser than you should be, baby girl.”
Lani smiled, and it made all the pain in my chest ease just a little bit. “You’re easy to talk to, but I can see something in your eyes. Like there’s a hidden pain or something. I don’t know, but I hope you know my mum will do whatever she can to help you, and even though I don’t really know him, I know my dad will too. I saw the way he was looking at you.”
I nodded, trying not to think about Maverick, and pushing past the last comment. I couldn’t think about him like that.
Not now.
Not after what he’s done.
“Everything okay?” I heard Mari ask from the doorway. Lani nodded, and turned to her.
“Yep, Tavi was just helping me with my painting. I better get to my homework.”
I picked up my coffee mug again, and sipped at it, to hide the tears in my eyes. No one had called on my pain as a single parent before, and the fact it was a sixteen year old girl, hit me hard. I thought I had been hiding it better than that.
“You okay?” Mari asked me. I nodded quickly, taking a big drink so I didn’t have to talk. I knew my emotions would take over.
“Oh boy, she’s talented, isn’t she?” Mari asked, looking at the painting of Maverick. “She loves him, she does, but she’s just angry at him.”
“She has a right to be. It wasn’t her choice to not have him around. She feels like she’s unwanted, and for a teenage girl, that’s the worst kind of pain.”
Mari nodded. “I know. I try my best to show her how much he loves her, but she refuses to see it.”
“Sometimes actions speak louder than words.”
Mari turned to me, and I turned to the painting to avoid her gaze. The features of his face were so lifelike, almost like he was standing right in front of me. I could feel the emotion of the last couple of days rise inside of me, threatening to spill over.
“You love him.”
That was it.
I broke.
The fresh sound of my sobs I had been holding broke free, and I immediately closed my eyes to stop the onslaught of tears. Marijumped to action, grabbing my mug and putting it back down, before wrapping me in her arms.
“I’m sorry he’s being a dick, Tavi,” she said into my hair, stroking my back in a calming manner. The same way I do for Van when he can’t sleep. It was working. I could feel the sobs subsiding. “We’ll work on him. Both of us. He’ll come to see that he’s being a moron.”
I pulled away from her, thankful that she didn’t think I was a nonce for breaking down over her ex-husband the way I just did. “No, he’s made his choice. I need to make mine.”
“Babe, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. He asks me about you every day. He wants to be with you…he’s just being dumb. I know that man better than anyone.”
I looked into her eyes, seeing the compassion in them, and wanting to curl in on myself again. “No, it’s fine. He’ll never be able to trust me. I’m still my father’s daughter.”
Mari was quiet for a moment, and I realised she didn’t understand what I’d said. I didn’t want to frighten her by telling her who I was so I shook my head, as if I were being crazy.
“Please…let me talk to him. I know he’s going to be gutted if you leave him. He loves you. I know he does. As sure as I am that he loves his own kids.”
I wanted to believe her, I did, but I also didn’t want to stick around, fall in love with his family and then he leaves me, heartbroken and messy. I could survive Hardy. I could never survive Maverick.
But a small part of me wanted Mari to help me. Okay, not small, a big part of my heart was crying out for Maverick. For me to answer his texts, for me to listen to him, and let him deal with what he had to deal with. I wanted him to come to me, drop onto his knees and tell me he couldn’t breathe without me.
Stupid.
That only happened in the smutty books I read, and only because they were written by women who knew what it was to grovel. I wouldn’t even let him get to the grovel part, I’d throw myself down onto my knees in front of him and tell him I wanted him back, that I didn’t care he was a grumpy bastard. I’d love his kids as my own, and I’d give him as many more as he wanted.