“Yeah,” I replied. “I must be tired.”
“You should rest,” she said. “I can stay up with Van while you rest.”
“I’m okay.” I gave her a smile to hopefully put her at ease.
“Can Mavdrick read to me tonight?” Van asked, looking from me to her. The question floored me. I didn’t know how to respond, and neither did Tavi, who looked equally as surprised. “Can you read?”
His little question almost sent me into a chuckle at the innocent look on his face. “Yes, I can read.”
“Van, it’s Mav-a-rick,” she said, correcting him. “And I don’t think he’ll have time, mate. But I can read to you.”
“You can call me Dane,” I said to him, watching his eyes narrow for a moment, before he frowned. “It’s my real name. Maverick is a nickname.”
“Oh!”
Tavi smiled at her son, a loving and beautiful smile that I knew was reserved for him. I found myself a little jealous that I didn’t get that smile for myself. Privately chiding myself for such a stupid jealousy, I focused on my food again.
“That’s like me!”
I looked down at him again. “What do you mean?”
“My name is Evan, but we don’t like it. Do we, Mum? She calls me Van for shorts.”
“I don’t blame you, Van suits you more,” I told him, to which he smiled brightly. “I also don’t mind reading to him tonight. It gives you more time to rest.”
Tavi’s surprised look was enough to floor me. “Thank you…but only if you’re sure. He will try to con you into reading the same thing to him four times in a row, then it’ll be a glass of water, then he needs to pee.”
“No, I be gooded.”
“You’ll be good,” we both said in unison. I looked over at Tavi, who looked at me with her mouth open a little in surprise. We both laughed but my mind was set. I suddenly wanted to read him a story, to give her time to rest. I liked the idea of her in my bed, her hair fanned out over my pillow.
Fuck.
Now wasnotthe time for this train of thought.
“Come on, Van, it’s time to wash up, and get ready for bed.”
He jumped up and took her hand, smiling big at me as he went down the hall to where my bathroom was. Fuck…it felt good having a kid around again. It felt good having dinner with her, and answering Van’s questions, watching him get excited abouthis day. It took my mind off the shit I was dealing with at the club.
I’d missed all of that with my own kids, and it hurt deep inside of me. I needed to fix things with them, to explain, but first, I needed to make sure that little boy had a future where he didn’t need to fear anything.
And one where Tavi felt free.
She deserved that much.
I just knew…the second I let her go, I was going to hate myself for it.
Tavi
I put my phone down after finishing my book and went in search of a drink. It was well past ten at night, Van had been asleep for hours, and I’d been bored senseless. The last few days we had been here, the mornings were filled with games and TV and in the afternoon we would spend time colouring in and talking about trucks.
I still didn’t know a damn thing about them.
Then, Maverick would come home with dinner and we’d eat together. It felt incredibly domestic and yet, it hurt because he would always leave again and I’d end up sleeping in a bed that smelled of him, like an outsider.
He should be the one sleeping in it, not me. I could bunk with Van, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Still, I missed him when he was gone.
Seeing him with Van did things to me, things that I really ought not to feel, given he would be free of us when the coast was clear. We were in need of aid, and he was providing it.