“Could you get hurt?” Sav looks at me and I can see worry behind her eyes. I want to smile, but what she is asking is not something to smile about.
“Yes, we could all get hurt, but that isn’t our intention. We need to protect her town and as an MC we will do whatever it takes to get them out of our town.”
She reaches out and puts her hand on my arm. “Thanks for telling me the truth Austin, that means a lot to me.” She looks up at me. “Please be careful. I don’t want to be patching you up next.”
“I will be careful, don’t worry.”
I walk down the stairs to her door and I can't help it. I pull her into me, arms around her, and I hold on. She goes still for a second and thankfully she doesn't pull away. She lets me hold her. I breathe her in and feel the shape of her. I think, ten years. Ten years I've been carrying this around and right now she's in my arms. She’s letting me hold her and I’m not going to push it.
I kiss the top of her head. "I'll see you soon, Sav."
She holds onto the door as I go down the stairs. Climbing onto my bike, I start the engine and look up at her in the doorway. "You're still the only woman who's been on my bike. You're still my girl." I start the engine and I ride off, and when I look in the mirror to my right I see she's watching me and I think about the almost-smile.
It's enough for now.
It's more than I had this morning.
SAVANNAH
I watch him ride off and close the door, leaning against it.
I keep replaying the conversation I’d had with my parents about Austin visiting them.
"Did Austin come and see you? After I left?" I looked at them both across the lemonade glasses in the back garden, the question I'd been building up to since they opened the door.
Dad nodded. "He came and explained what had happened and why he did it. We hated him until he did." He looked at his glass. "But after that we could see he was doing what he thought was best for you. Not the right way to go about it. But he loved you."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Mom reached over and touched my hand. "Every time we mentioned his name you changed the subject. And then you told us you didn't want to hear anything about him anymore. So we stopped." She paused. "He's helped us, Sav. Over the years.When the oil heater went and your dad was out of work. When the car needed fixing. He never made a thing of it."
"Are you going to give him a chance?" Dad asked.
I looked at them both, the two of them watching me so carefully. "I don't know yet. I just need to think about it."
"Sure," Mum said, refilling my glass. "Sure you do."
I’m still turning it all over in my mind. He explained himself to them. He kept in touch with them all those years to make sure I was okay. He helped them when they needed it and never made them feel like they owed him anything for it.
He's not the person I've been hating for ten years. I don't know what to do with that yet.
I lock the door and wonder if I’m making a mistake. I'm reaching for my phone to see if he's messaged when I see he has.
AUSTIN
Thank you for hearing me out. Have a great day. xx
I stare at it for a long time. The kisses. The particular way he said my name with his forehead against mine.
He told me he sat in the clubhouse until four in the morning that night ten years ago and didn't drink. He told me he didn't know if he was brave or a coward and he still can't answer that. Ten years of carrying that question and he laid it out in front of me like he was done pretending it was resolved.
I think about the man I’d let go. The good man who asked about the future and I couldn't stay present in the conversation. I've never said that out loud to anyone before today. I don't know what it means that the first person I said it to was Austin.
I type back before I can overthink it.
SAVANNAH
You too. Maybe you can bring me coffee in the morning from Ruby's. She knows what I like.