I close my eyes and draw a couple of long, shuddery breaths, fighting off the squeezing sensation that threatens to steal my breath altogether.I’m stronger than it, I tell myself.I can be strong for her.The determination calms me somewhat, and I decide to finally face the fear head-on, for the first time in my life. “How do you know?”
I tighten my arms around Jenna, only realizing how hard when she lets out a small mewl. “Shh,” I reassure. “You’re safe.” I lean down and press a kiss to her head, then watch her until I’m sure she has settled again.
When I look up, Dad is smiling. It’s the same smile he wore the first time I mastered a Liszt étude. A smile that used to be rare but has become more frequent since Jenna came here.
“I know she won’t leave for the same reason I know you won’t leave her. She couldn’t bear to bring that pain on somebody else.”
Dropping my head back, I rake a hand through my hair. “Comparing her to me is not much of a reassurance.”
“There’s a crucial difference.” He reaches out to stroke her arm. “Unlike you, Jenna has faced her fears. There’s nothing suppressed. What you see is what you get. She’s honest to a fault. That’s what makes her so precious, but also what makes her vulnerable.”
“It’s beautiful,” I say, stroking her hairline, her lips, and the curve of her cute nose. Jenna’s soft vulnerability is so fucking beautiful. I can’t believe it took me so long to see it.
Dad places a hand on mine, bringing my attention back to him. “Don’t beat yourself up,” he says, reading my reaction with scary precision. “What you did, raising those walls and shutting her out, was a defense mechanism. It wasn’t a choice. It was necessary.”
“But—”
“No, Killian. You were eight. The person who was supposed to protect you and love you unconditionally left. Be mad at her—not you—or it will swallow you whole. All you can do now is move forward and make sure you don’t repeat the pattern. Being stuck in the past or your fears won’t help anyone.”
Closing my eyes, I focus on breathing deeply—taking in his words. He’s right. I can’t keep beating myself up and wallowing in the past. It won’t do anyone good. All I can do is try to make up for all my shortcomings and prove to Jenna, every day, that I’m here.
“Do you think she’ll ever truly trust me?” I ask when I straighten again.
“I do. It will take time and a lot of work. But if you do the work, you’ll get there—she’ll get there.”
“I’ll do the work.” I heave a hard sigh, finally accepting the solution I’ve been refusing since I was eight. “I-I think I need to s-see a therapist. For real this time.”
Dad gives a firm nod. He doesn’t say more, and I’m grateful for it. It’s hard enough to admit it out loud. Hell, in one night, I’ve admitted more than I have in thirteen years. And I know there’s a lot more honesty to come in the foreseeable future.
We’re both quiet for a while, stroking Jenna and enjoying the warm peace that has finally settled over this house. Ginny comes and hops onto the couch, cuddling up against my thigh. She’s just as adorable and difficult to resist as Jenna, and I take turns stroking them both, enjoying Ginny’s eager purring and Jenna’s warmth.
“So, now we’re fucking her together…” I say on a whim.
Dad breaks out into a laugh that makes Jenna stir.
“What’s so funny?” she murmurs, slowly repositioning herself to reach Ginny.
“We’re officially good and well outside all bounds of morality,” Dad says.
“How so?” she asks sleepily.
“We just fucked you at the same,” I say and huff a laugh. “Did you forget that we’re related?”
Her cheeks turn a deep red, and she straightens on my lap, leaning her head into her hands. “I guess I kind of did.” When she looks up again, her lips are pressed together, and her eyes have this cute, embarrassed, but also happy expression.
“How far are we taking this?” I ask Dad, rubbing Jenna’s back. She lifts a hand to stroke the lines of my face, and fuck if it isn’t the best sensation ever. Her inhibitions might be weakenedby the subspace she’s coming out of, but the impulse is natural, showing me her true affection. We might have a long way to go, but little by little, she’s coming around, learning to trust me and lean into our dynamic.
“I don’t know,” Dad says. “I think we should see how things go. But for now, let’s avoid crossing swords.”
“Crossing swords,” Jenna parrots with a chuckle, like a little girl.
I smile and lean to the side to see her face better. “You don’t know that expression?”
“Well, now I do. And now it’s all I can think of.”
I tut. “Such a dirty girl. Would you like that? Me in your ass, Dad in your pussy?”
She lifts her shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know. I think for now, let’s do what Ian says. Take things as they come.”