“The doctor just left. That last day when we were together in London . . .”
Fear is a terrible catalyst. I feel unsteady.
“The day we weretogether?” I mirror her formal tone. “You mean the night I fucked you against the wall and filled you with my cum?” I should be gentle today, but instead, the force of what I feel for her boils over.
“You have a filthy mouth.”
“But I love you like crazy, Jazmina. With all my baggage, if you want me, I’m yours.”
“Even if I’m pregnant? Would you still want me?” she almost screams.
Seeing the fear of rejection on her face breaks me in two. And then it hits me.
“Pregnant?”
“Yes. We weren’t as careful as we thought. We have the religious ceremonies scheduled, here and in Scotland.” Sheswallows. “And now I don’t know anymore . . .You said you wanted everything, but you just started therapy and—”
“You think I don’t want you?” I don’t need her answer. Her face says it all. “Is that what you’re afraid of? That I’ll reject you and our child?”
“I don’t know what to think. We were adjusting. I don’t want you staying with me just because I’m pregnant.”
I sit back on the bed and pull her into my arms. “I won’t lie. I’m tense about this. You already know my greatest fear: that we both die, that our child is left alone and suffers what I did.”
“That will never happen. I have a large family. And above all, I have Kaled, Adeela, you, and wonderful friends. We’re not an island, Rodrick. There are people we can rely on if needed. I’m so sorry for what you went through. I would kill that miserable woman if I could, maybe even your father, but what happened to you as a child cannot define your future. Otherwise, she wins.”
I look at the strong, courageous woman I have the honor of calling mine.
I can still see the spirited girl from months ago, hungry for life, but also her transformation. She went from a curious girl flirting with existence to my fortress, my foundation, my world.
“I love you, duchess. You have a good, pure heart. I’m lucky to be the object of your love. I’ll strive to become the best husband for you, but I can’t erase what I carry inside.”
“And I’d never ask you to. Don’t you see that I love everything about you? Even your arrogance, your need for control, and especially what you say when you don’t open your mouth.”
“And what is that?”
“I don’t need declarations, Rodrick. Your eyes reveal what you feel. Before our minds were aligned, our hearts already knew we were meant to be.”
Chapter 50
Rheadur
Former Sheikh Kamran Blessing Ceremony
Her father gives us his final blessings, but to be honest, I only catch one or two words of what he says.
It has nothing to do with his English being heavily accented, just like the rest of the family’s. Who am I to talk about someone else’s pronunciation? Americans think we Scots have a language of our own.
What keeps me from paying attention to the old sheikh is his daughter.
This is the first time I’m seeing Jazmina in her own environment. Dressed like a princess—a princess bride—of her people. No skin exposed, her hair covered.
As impossible as it sounds, I find myself even more fascinated by her. The wife who, after I agreed to her unusual proposal, was supposed to be one of convenience, but who never accepted my rules from the very beginning. My beautiful wife, carrying our child inside her.
Now we are not married only before a judge but also with the approval of her relatives.
She smiles at me, unaware of how grateful I am to God for this second chance. And I don’t mean only in relation to my past, but because I could have lost her forever in that attack.
At night, in bed, sometimes I watch her while she sleeps, just to make sure she’s all right. I don’t need the light. I already have every single part of her memorized.