“Either way, Rodrick wouldn’t be able to spend that much time in Rheadur, and to be honest, I want to go back home soon too.”
“Home. It’s funny to hear you say that about another country.”
“It’s the truth, Adeela. Even more than London, Scotland is my home now.”
“So you’ve worked things out?”
“Yes, we’re getting there. We’ve been married for such a short time, and I’ve learned that living together is hard, but I’m where I want to be. I love him madly.”
She smiles that knowing smile, as if she understands all the secrets of the world. Adeela has always been wise, even when we were girls.
I’ve matured too in recent months. Living alone, even under heavy watch, made me more confident in my choices. I no longer feel the need to constantly justify myself, because I know who I am and what I want.
“You’ve changed a lot,” she says.
“I think we both have. We’ve grown, sister.”
We’re about to enter the first shop, but I stop and take her hand, smiling.
What happens next feels like someone pressed fast-forward on the film of my life.
Two men rush toward us, lifting us off the ground and running away.
I can’t escape or even understand what’s happening, so I scream with all the strength in my lungs.
I can see fear on Adeela’s face too.
Suddenly we’re outdoors, and I breathe a sigh of relief when I see the men carrying us are part of the palace’s personal guard.
My peace doesn’t last long because moments later, I hear an explosion, and the world dissolves into smoke.
Chapter 49
Rheadur
I moved my trip to Rheadur up, intending to surprise my wife. If I’m being honest, the moment I walked her to the plane that would take her to see her family, I knew that regardless of any fears I might have about the future, being away from Jazmina would never be an option.
We belong to each other, and although I still believe she deserves more, I won’t turn my back on the love of my life because of my past.
A few days ago, I had my first session with the therapist. The forty-five minutes were filled mostly with silence. I’m not much of a talker to begin with—now add to that the fact that my audience was a stranger and expected me to open up about my past.
Since the moment I realized that what that woman wanted from me wasn’t a mother–son relationship but something abnormal, I’ve accumulated resentment. Hatred, to be precise.
Toward her, above all. Toward my father, for failing to protect me as he should have. And even toward the mother I barely knew.
After they died, I blamed myself. Not for Iona. I liked seeing her dead. I wanted her dead countless times. But with my father, it was different. He was all I had left in the world, and instead of fighting with me, he left with that woman.
Even in his final moment, he chose her.
My past is an intricate labyrinth of pain I don’t like to revisit. I worked hard inside my own mind to erase those memories, but if that’s what it takes to keep my wife with me, I’ll bring them back as many times as necessary through those damn sessions.
There is only one certainty about the future: Jazmina. I cannot give up on her.
You don’t experience paradise and move on. Once you’ve been there, you want to make it your home. And that’s what my princess is to me: an oasis, my private heaven.
With all decisions made, it was the first time I’d been able to breathe more calmly since the night Athol fell ill and landed up in hospital. As if the scare of the false heart attack wasn’t enough, there was also the confrontation with Gilroy.
I lost control in front of my wife. As much as I don’t regret the punches I gave him, I never wanted Jazmina to witness firsthand the violence that lives inside me. Realizing how little it took to trigger that rage showed me that I truly need help. So, even having to wage an internal war, I went to three sessions.