“As long as it’s on your terms,” I conclude.
He doesn’t even blink. “You’re not obligated to stay with me forever. I’ll understand if the day comes when you want to have children of your own, not just nieces and nephews.”
I pull away from his arms. “You say you’re crazy about me and you’re giving me a free pass to have children with another man?” I ask, feeling as if I’ve been punched. “Get out!”
“Jazmina—”
“Get out, Rodrick. It’s too much for me to process all at once.”
He walks to the door and stands there with his back to me for a moment, as if hesitating before leaving.
Then he turns to look at me again.
“I love you,” he says. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I cry harder because I know he’s telling the truth, but I can’t fight alone for our future.
It’s not only about Rodrick refusing to have a baby with me. Many couples are happy without children. It’s about him giving a definitive no, as if my opinion doesn’t matter and I’m meant to simply submit to his will.
Once, he told me I would never have to bow my head to him and that our relationship was a partnership of equals. For that to be real, however, my wishes have to carry the same weight as his.
I’ll accept negotiation, but never an ultimatum.
“Are you hospitalized?”Adeela almost shouts on the other end of the line.
“I fainted. It wasn’t serious. Now tell me, do you think it’s safe for me to come to Rheadur for a few days?”
“Are you planning to leave him?” she asks bluntly because she knows me so well she can read even the changes in my voice.
“No. I’m in love with him, and even though my head is confused right now, I won’t give up on my marriage. But I need a little distance. We both do. I want to see Dad. Stay there for a few days.”
“And then?”
“I’ll come back home, of course. My place is by his side. We’re going through a crisis, but this isn’t goodbye. I love him too much to give up so easily.”
London
Days later
We’ve just returned from a dinner—one of his work commitments—and I, like a proper wife, princess, duchess—so many roles that I fear one day I won’t even know who the real Jazmina is—put on my mask of composure.
Despite our fight at the hospital, since I came home two days ago, the sex has remained the same—perhaps even better.
It’s as if, faced with our minds’ inability to find a solution for the future, our bodies are searching for the answers.
We look at each other in the apartment entryway. This morning I told him I’m traveling to Rheadur. He didn’t ask me to reconsider, but I could see the unspoken questions—the doubt about whether the separation will be final.
He takes a step closer, and my heart races. I think it will always be this way. No matter how long we’re together, I’ll always react to him the same: anxious and in love.
Without warning, he scoops me up and carries me in his arms.
There’s a wild ferocity in his gaze, and tonight, I want everything from him, without disguise or restraint.
Chapter 47
Sex with Jazmina has always been a mixture of the profane and the sacred.
At the same time that I crave doing filthy things to her—because I love fucking her hard and seeing the marks of my hands on her hips the next day—I am an adorer of every part of her body. A pagan before his goddess.