“No, we’re not fine if we pretend we don’t need to talk about your past. But now you’ve opened that door, and I can’t just ignore it. I don’t know what happened for your father to kill your stepmother and then himself, but it can’t have been your fault. You were just a child. Don’t blame yourself for the mental imbalance of an adult man.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
We’re in the hallway now, both of us losing it—and on my part, with a fucked-up fear that I’ve ruined everything. I think Jazmina is still in shock. She doesn’t believe what I said, even though it’s the truth: I induced my father’s suicide. One day it’ll sink in; she’ll realize what I did and see that she doesn’t want to stay with me.
“I’m a murderer. Indirectly, I killed my father. I never should have brought you into my world.”
“You didn’t give me permission. I entered your life by choice. I didn’t know what I felt yet, but now I realize that from the day you pulled me off Vicenzzo’s boat, I fell in love. That might make me an idiot, falling head over heels for the first man who kissed me, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m crazy about you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m crazy about you. If you want an excuse to send me away, find something better. The one about you being a monster doesn’t work.”
I lunge at her, lifting her and pinning her against the wall. Her legs lock around my waist.
“You don’t know me.”
“That’s true. I don’t know you completely because you don’t let me get close enough, but I love you.”
I undo my pants with one hand and pull her panties aside. I need to be inside her. I’ll die if I don’t enter her.
There’s no time for foreplay. I need the connection.
I thrust deep, and we both tremble.
It’s hard, hungry, almost brutal fucking. But it’s also about surrender. I’m stripping myself as bare as I can in this moment—giving her as much as I’m able.
“You can’t love me,” I insist.
“I love you. I’m not asking you to love me; I’m telling you that I love you,” she repeats. “It couldn’t be anyone else. I don’t want to love anyone else, because you’re mine.”
Chapter 45
He still hasn’t let me go, and that’s exactly how I want it to stay.
Bound. Connected.
Rodrick is inside me not only in this moment, when his sex possesses me, but etched into my heart and soul.
“I’m yours, duke. I don’t care what you think you did. I’m yours.”
Before he can respond, our phones start ringing at the same time. Right after that, the doorbell goes.
“We have to answer,” I say.
“I don’t want to let you go or pull out of your body, my Jazmina.”
“I’m not going anywhere without you, but we need to find out what’s going on.”
As if echoing my words, the doorbell rings again, insistently.
He sets me down and straightens my dress. Zips his pants.
“I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll meet you in the living room in a minute,” I say.
When I come back to him a few minutes later, I realize he’s speaking to Lamar in a serious tone.
“What happened?” I ask.