The idea felt as hollow as the hole inside me.
Chapter 5
Smoke Screen
Tara
“I’matLaMaréeNoire.Where are you?” Anyone within earshot of Jay would think his velvet tone was calm. His accent did most of the work for him when it came to charm. But I knew him well enough to hear the undertone of anger.
Six days. That was how long it took for him to realize I wasn’t there.
Jay was always distant after one of hismoods—the kind that sent him barreling into the woods just like the night I left—but even for him, this was bad. Any doubts that crept in during the early hours of the morning as I tossed and turned were burned away int he light of this revelation.
After what he did that night—after everything—he didn’t even realize I was gone.
“I’m sorry, Jay.”Wait, why am I apologizing to him?“I’m not coming back.” My voice was deceptively steady, hiding the tremor beneath it.
He’s not here. He can’t get to me.
There was a pause, the silence so deep and heavy that I checked the screen to make sure I hadn’t dropped the call.
“What do you mean, you’re ’not coming back?’”
“This is over between us. I deserve better.” Saying the words out loud was more nerve-wracking than actually leaving. I held the phone away from my mouth, discreetly exhaling between pinched lips.
“You deserve better?” He lowered his voice, that familiar viciousness thickening his words. “Better than the luxurious home I provided for you? Than the clothing I bought you? The money I gave you?”
“I never asked for any of that.”
“You never turned it down either.”
Ouch. He had a point there.
It wasn’t that I expected him to pamper me, but I was mature enough to admit it was part of the appeal in the beginning. After dating a string of disappointments, Jay was a prize. Gentlemanly, wealthy, soft spoken.
At face value, he was a dream come true.
By the time I left, that dream became a nightmare.
“You can have your home, and all of my things. I’ll even pay back the money, if that’s what you want.” My fingers were numb where they clutched the phone. “But I can’t live like that anymore. I can’t live with you. It’s over.”
“You seem to misunderstand. You have something that belongs to me. Now end this childish nonsense and come home.” There was rustling on the other end of the line. The sound of traffic. Movement.
What happened to make him like this? So controlling and arrogant he believed he could tell the sun what to do.
“I didn’t take anything from you.”
“Where will you go? What will you do without me? You have nothing.”
My resolve hardened as my teeth came together in a snarl. “I have my self-worth. That’s all I need.”
I missed the red button to hang up the call three times, tapping so hard and furiously that my phone didn’t register the touch. With a few swipes, I blocked his number.
It felt wrong. Mean.
But that was silly because I wasn’t the mean one, and I wasn’t going to waste my time feeling sorry for him anymore. That was how I got into this mess, and I was officially getting myself out.
Nothing without him.Like being broke was equivalent to being dead.