He reaches across the desk and pulls me forward. “How can I make a relationship work with someone else if I don’t trust myself to keep things professional with you?”
We trade breaths, and he looks like he might kiss me.Andthat would be the biggest mistake of his life at thesame time.
The worst part isn’t that he doesn’t want me on his on-call team. He sounds afraid of wanting me anywhere near his life at all.
“I’m not asking you to want me less.” I meet his eyes. “I’m asking you to trust that I won’t use it against you. Or take advantage.”
That gets an eyebrow raised as I watch his white-knuckle restraint grow hairline cracks.
“Please,” I say to bring the conversation back to why I came here in the first place. “I… I don’t have any simulator teams this semester. I signed up late. And not everyone wants the dean’s daughter on their squad.”
“Damn it.” Dr. O’Rourke releases me. “I know emergency medicine is your path. And I want to help you. See you make it. But it will be too hard for me to be around you.”
“I worked in Dr. Lin’s emergency department.” I leave out that my mom had just died, and every shift chipped away more of my sanity. “It was tough, but it built scar tissue around my heart.”
“That’s not exactly a selling point.” He exhales, slow and grim.
I lean toward him, before I lose the courage and can’t look him in the eyes again. He tenses immediately, every line of him sharpening.
“Teach me how to do both, how to care, but also be strong,” I say softly. “I want this.”
His throat works like the words cost him something to swallow. “I don’t need someone to observe.” He forces out a humorless laugh. “When shit goes sideways in my world, it goes fast. People will die.”
Hisworld? Mafia?
“I know about shit going wrong. I’m an EMT. Have been since high school. That and my ED experience makeme evenmorequalified,” I say with a tone of confidence. “I know both sides of trauma care. I’ve been there!”
His eyes turn dark. Then he mutters, low and doomed, “I’ll think about it.”
“That doesn’t sound too promising.”
A smile curls slow and tense across his mouth. “You might be sorry.”
“Not a chance.”
He drags a hand down his face and lets out a rough breath. “Scarlett…”
“I’ll leave you to make your team decision.” I collect my bag and stand with his eyes on me.
This business that he has to get married by the end of the semester burns a hole in my stomach. I wouldn’t mind us being professor/student with benefits. After what I went through with Pierce, I don’t want a relationship. He taught me that I can’t have both. That a romantic partner won’t want to be second to my career.
It’s best I don’t put pressure on Dr. O’Rourke any further right now. If I have any chance of being picked, he needs to view every aspect of working with me favorably. Without any sexual misconduct threat to his position here.
“Anything else?” he mutters.
“Nothing.” I pull my bag over my shoulder. “Nothing at all, Dr. O’Rourke.”
And by nothing, I mean… Everything.
Chapter 24
Scarlett
When I’d left Dr. O’Rourke’s office that day, he said he’dthink aboutadding me to his on-call team. It’s been a couple of weeks, and I’ve heard nothing about it. Irritation has replaced adrenalin.
He comes into the class three days a week, executes the most flawless and effective lesson plans I’ve ever seen, and then leaves. Most days without looking at me. I tell myself it means he’s decided not to add me to the team.
I sit cross-legged on my bed, flashcards spread across my comforter. I’m supposed to be studying for one of his quizzes, but every time I try to focus on drug mechanisms, my mind jumps back tohim.