“He’s a toxicologist in a hospital and identified the kind of fatal drugs being sold and tracks down who the dealers are. I’m the executioner.” He stares at his hands. “But no more. I’m done. I can’t do thisandbe a father. Or a husband. I can’t risk making a mistake and putting you in danger if the whole reason for our marriage was to keep you safe from Pierce in the first place.”
“How… How many?”
He blinks. “Is that important?”
I shake my head. “I guess not.”
Cormac bends down to kiss me on the forehead. “I’ll give you a minute to process everything.”
His shadow disappears down one of the hallways before I can say anything. Yet I let him leave. He’s wondering if I can handle that I’m married to a murderer.
I wander to the balcony to get some fresh air. To breathe until something snaps into focus. Leave or stay. I love him. What he told me doesn’t change how I feel. But what if…
I stagger away and think about having a child withhim. But I don’t have to think about it. Ana and Darragh already have a child with him. They know his past and his present. Ana put her son in that man’s arms with no hesitation. Okay, she’s probably a murderer, too. But what about Darragh? He’s the same as me. No, he’s the same as Cormac. Which means if he were faced with what Cormac went through, he’d do the same thing.
If they can live with Cormac’s sins, so can I.
I turn away, the cold making my fingers numb, and look for my husband, who’s back at the closet. “Cormac, you can’t keep all this stuff if your son is going to be here with us.”
“Us?” He blinks. “You still want me?”
That part cracks something open in my chest, and I don’t answer right away.
“I promise. This is my very last secret.” He puts the key in my hand and says softly, “No more lies about where I’m going or what I’m doing. I’m done with this.”
I think of every time he slipped out in the middle of the night. I assumed it was to help the Quinlans. Saving or helping someone.
“You said this is where I can walk away…”
“You didn’t grow up in the mafia. Or the Bratva.” He leans against the wall, holding his chin, his eyes glassy. “I don’t expect you to accept that I’m a murderer.”
He risked telling me this, knowing I might leave him. All so there’d be no more secrets between us.
“Well, I’m not leaving,” I say, flatly. “Murder can be nuanced. Cops, military, ordinary people who are put into extraordinary situations and must take a life.”
“I will never hurt you,” Cormac says, choking up.
“Oh God, Cormac!” I push back into his arms. “I never thought for a moment you would.”
It’s ironic that Pierce, the picture-perfect doctor, cheated on me and hit me. And the doctor holding meright now killed people and would never raise a hand to hurt me.
We let our heartbeats settle, and he kisses me.
“What now?” I ask him, looking at all this…evidence.
After a squeeze, Cormac takes out his phone. “I’m officially ending this right now. You’re my wife, you deserved to know first.” Smiling, he brings up a number. “It’s me. You know why I’m calling. I’m sorry. I’m done.” Cormac stops to listen.
It’s only a mumbled voice on the other end.
“I appreciate that. See you soon.” He ends the call and stares at me. “He’s coming by to pick all of this up. It’s not safe for me to just dispose of it.” Worry crosses his features. “You don’t have to be here.”
“This is my home, I’m not leaving, I told you that.”
Cormac growls and kisses my forehead. “I’ll get some bins.”
With both of us wearing blue latex gloves, we start filling them.
I lose track of time when Cormac gets buzzed from the lobby. He shoots back the code. Nerves pool in my stomach about meeting a man whose daughter died from a drug overdose, and his grief was so potent, so thick, there was no other way for him to sleep at night.