32
Crescendo
Aditi
Aditi had rarely feltthis level of shame before.
Standing in front of Nanamma, after she’d just witnessed her throwing Leela out of their apartment, made her feel like she was an ant who was being burnt beneath a magnifying glass in the desert sun.
This evening couldn’t have turned out worse.
“I’m sorry, Nanamma,” she offered, the silence starting to grate on her nerves. “I know I was being rude but I couldn’t hear anything more from her.”
Nanamma shot an indecipherable look. “Kanna, is there anything you wish to share with me?”
“About?”
“You and Rian.”
Aditi startled, glancing up guiltily. She swallowed hard, hating the tense environment in which she was revealing this truth, that too, without Rian by her side.
“I’m sorry you had to find out like this. We were going to tell you tonight. It is all very recent, barely a few days now. We’re still learning to wrap our head around it ourselves. I don’t know how Mrs. Shetty found out.”
“Leela has a big circle of gossip mongers. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone she knows noticed how Rian is with you and connected the dots.” Unsure, Aditi's forehead creased when she saw Nanamma’s lips curve up. “My eyes are old, but my eyesight is perfectly normal. Anyone at that Diwali party would have come to the same conclusion. Your absence was noticed.”
Aditi reddened. “You knew?”
“I had my doubts,” Chitra admitted. “Kaya and Arjun’s insistence that I stay with them for the weekend, and Rian not complaining when I called to let him know, definitely confirmed it. I walked in just in time to hear Leela’s accusations. You didn’t deny it.”
Aditi clasped her hands together, looking away.
“I assume things progressed quite quickly since that party?” Chitra asked delicately.
“I'm sorry,” Aditi apologised once more. She felt like she’d lost count of how many times she’d said ‘sorry’ today, and she feared she’d be repeating herself often given what Nanamma was asking her. “I didn’t mean to disrespect you in your home.”
Old, feathered hands brushed over her bent head, requesting her to look up. When Aditi’s gaze met Chitra’s, she was relieved to note no disappointment in her expression.
“I’m not angry with you, Adi,” Nanamma explained. “It would be hypocritical if I blame you when Rian is a part of it too. I’m also too glad to be annoyed when seeing you two together is what I have prayed for for months.”
Aditi knew she’d failed to hide her surprise when Nanamma guffawed at her gobsmacked expression.
“I know that the way things used to be in my time is not how the world is now. I have seen too much of life to judge you for yourchoice to be with Rian without matrimonial commitment first. I hope I am not embarrassing you by speaking my mind.”
Aditi shook her head, the tightness in her chest curiously very much present. Nanamma’s acceptance should have relieved her. Her logical mind acknowledged how very lucky she’d gotten in this scenario, but was unable to hone in on the reason for why she felt like she was hanging off the ledge of a multi-storey building. Perhaps the adrenaline from her argument with Leela hadn’t worn off.
“I was afraid you’d dislike me,” she softly confessed.
“Oh, kanna, I could never dislike you.” Chitra patted Aditi’s cheek in a motherly gesture. “I have seen your heart, and I have received your love. You are as precious to me as my grandson, and I am glad he has found you.”
Aditi’s lips curved tremulously. Leela's words still swirled within her like a poisonous fog, slithering in and out, nudging and poking at different areas, searching for the weakest parts of her psyche. Though she had been staunch in her support of Rian and his choice to be with her, old insecurities had been raked to life. The part of her that still struggled with the need for validation felt like it had been exposed once more, and she hated it.
“Are you happy?” Chitra asked.
She opened her mouth to answer. To her great surprise, she burst into big blubbering sobs instead. Immediately, she felt Nanamma’s arms go around her, manoeuvring her towards the couch. When Aditi still didn’t quieten, the old grandmother drew her into a warm hug, patting her back like she was a young child.
The overnight change in Rian’s decision regarding marriage, her acceptance, the complete and utter surrender of her body and mind to him since then, now bookended with an explosive confrontation with his hateful mother, had forced her stress up a summit. Her breakdown was inevitable. She just hadn’t expected that it would be over such a simple question.
“My child, are you not happy to be with Rian?”