He hesitated for a second before he loosened his hold on her. He’d never revealed this to anyone else. He was finally speaking honestly about his struggles, and if he stopped now, he may never find it in him to discuss this again.
“She threw a tantrum at breakfast once because her friend’s son scored better at school than I did. Swiped the entire table of food in anger before throwing a crystal glass at me.” He extended his arm, folding his sleeves to reveal a tattoo on his lower bicep. It was a solid line that covered the circumference of his muscle, interrupted by two open arrowheads pointing up. Upon closer inspection, she saw the scar along which the tattoo was set. “It's the only time she left a mark.”
Aditi traced the jagged edge of his wound with the gentlest of touches, as though fearful of causing him pain again.
“I couldn’t read properly for a long time so school was tough. Unable to focus, unable to stay organised. I wasn’t a good son, I wasn’t a good student, I wasn’t good enough—plain and simple.”
“That seems like a terrible criteria to judge a child.”
He let out a disappointed breath, wishing everyone thought like her. “She believed I was a lazy brat who brought her shame by not being a beacon of perfection. The older I got, the worse her reaction to my failures. I think she only stopped because I grew bigger than her. She couldn’t intimidate me with her size after a certain point.”It had been why he’d obsessively worked out as a teen, wanting to be stronger outside so he could feel stronger inside.
"You didn't have an easy childhood, did you?”
He shrugged, unwilling to linger on it longer than necessary. He wasn't certain he deserved Aditi’s understanding. That she was empathising with him instead of tearing him apart for his mistake was unsettling.
"I had money. A big house. Staff who cared for me as much as they were allowed to. I suspect one of them finally told Nanamma. She did her best to protect me after she found out. I was fourteen by then.”
"Sounds lonely for a young boy." Her fingers left his skin, making him wish for contact again. Somehow, it was easy to confess to the hard things when she was touching him.
"If it is any consolation,” she finally said, “you did an admirable job of growing up."
"Even after how I behaved today?” he asked bitterly, unable to hold back a self-deprecating laugh.
"You're a good person, Bugs. One argument doesn’t change that. One mistake doesn’t define who you are for me.”
"You only say that because you don't know what I've done."
Aditi rolled her eyes and stood back, arms crossed. "Unless you murdered someone in cold blood, I'm sticking to what I said. Rian Shetty is a pretty nice guy and I don't mind him one bit."
The sudden return of her sass made it feel like there was air in his lungs again. Unable to help it, he laughed, just once, but it was enough for the edges of her mouth to tip up. "Talk about damning with faint praise.”
"Don't want you to get a big head, do we?" she teased.
Finally, his world was righting itself. He would have spiralled into anger and self-hate if she hadn't been around. "Thanks," he said, glad for who she was.
"See?” sheclucked, readily moving on from their fight. “Again with the nice guy behaviour. Can I tell you a secret? It's more fun when you're grumpy and I can be the sunshine girl."
Bantering with her brought with it a happiness he’d feared he’d lost. He almost kissed her in relief.
"Isn’t that a book trope you keep harping about?" he asked, smiling softly.
"Yeah. Sometimes, I wonder if I got into the wrong profession. I should have done something with books."
No, he thought. She was a healer, through and through. She made people feel safe and cared for. No wonder her family and cousins turned to her for everything. He felt that way more and more. Like she could fix things for him. And what she couldn’t fix, she would hold together so he didn’t fall apart.
"Come on. Let’s change our mood.”
She dragged him towards the living room, and he followed mutely, no more able to resist her than he could gravity. She fell onto the couch, flicking the remote until she settled on a movie.
She patted the space nearby. “Sit. Watch this with me. I need something to calm myself before I can sleep."
He took a seat next to her, automatically sliding one arm along the back of the couch to tuck her into him.
At her questioning glance, he shrugged. “This is allowed in a situationship, isn’t it?”
She pinkened adorably.
“Nanamma?” she asked, clearly worried about the practicality of cuddling on the couch even though it was getting close to midnight.