"Someone who's not fucked up, someone who's not one bad day away from violence, someone who's good for you."
"I never said I wanted that."
"You should."
"Stop telling me what I should want."
His jaw tightens. "You're impossible."
"You're infuriating."
We glare at each other. The tension is back but it's different now, sharper.
"I'm going inside," I say finally.
"Okay."
"And you're not following me."
"Okay."
"I mean it, Rush. Give me space, figure your shit out, and when you're ready to stop running you know where to find me."
I walk away before he can respond. My heart's pounding and my lips still feel swollen from his kiss.
I can feel him watching me, but I don't look back. I just keep walking.
Inside the clubhouse, I go straight to the bathroom and lock the door, then I lean against the sink and take a breath.
My hands are shaking and my skin feels too hot.
That was intense—more intense than I expected.
I touched fire and I liked it, liked the burn, liked the danger.
But I meant what I said. I'm not chasing him.
If Rush wants me, he's going to have to decide he's worth the risk, because I already know I am.
I wash my hands and fix my hair, then I go back out to the old ladies like nothing happened.
But everything's changed, and we both know it.
5
RUSH
I'm outside Everly's flat Thursday evening, and I know this is crossing a line.
She told me to give her space, told me to figure my shit out.
But I can't seem to stay away.
I watch her leave around seven. She's wearing jeans and a jacket, her hair is down, and she's got her bag over her shoulder.
She meets Maya at the bus stop, and they head into the city center. I follow at a distance on my bike.
They go to a restaurant near Temple Bar, sit by the window, order food and wine.